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Originally Posted by Sharon
I feel like he is distancing himself from me, and it scares me... I called him earlier today, and part of conversation was discussing the view that close platonic friendships with members of the opposite sex only seem to work when both friends are single... that in his experience, every time his female friends found a boyfriend, they pretty much disappeared with the friendship, and we should both be prepared for that as I was starting to see other people.
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I think I would tend to agree with this.
I consider myself to be a guy similiar to your friend, in that I've formed a few very close bonds with females that I don't intend to date. When they are single, or recently out of a relationship, they understandably have more time and interest in spending time with me. If, and when, they find a boyfriend that they start dating seriously, they do tend to disappear, because they don't "need" my companionship at the current time in their lives. They have a boyfriend that they are devoting their time to.
I am fine with that, and to me, being there at the bad/down times is what friendship is truly about. Anyone can be there when life is good. That is the easy part.
The interesting thing about becoming close friends with the opposite sex is that you get to know them really well, and with that comes the surfacing of turnoffs that would otherwise go unnoticed until you had dated for awhile. In a way, I guess it's kind of like skipping dating and being married. You know each other almost completely, moreso than a dating relationship, because in my experience friends talk to me about issues they have with their partner, and thus things they would never tell their partner.
I am skeptical about close friendships turning into relationships and succeeding. If you already know the person completely, I think a serious relationship will become very boring, very quickly. Part of the excitment and enjoyment of dating is discovering your partners likes, dislikes, and their entire person through experiences, both good and bad. If you already acquired all this information while "close friends" I am not sure there is enough new material to experience to keep things interesting and fresh. I also think that people that are too compatible as friends turning things into a relationship will potentially be "too much good" and not enough negatives. Negative situations are a realistic part of relationships, but if you have been very close to someone for years and come to that person to talk about external negativity, I think the potential is there to be "too compatible" and thus not have negativity, but instead boredom.