Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharon
Thanks for the comments guys (I gather all three of you are guys).
This is what has me so confused - reading back what I wrote, it would seem obvious to me too that he's interested. If I am perfectly honest with myself, I kind of wish he was, because I would LOVE to have a man like him, that kind of stability and genuine care for another's well being is hard to find and a girl could feel very safe in it.
I've dropped hints several times, to try and find out if he's really secretly into me... once when we were out having dinner, I grabbed his hand and said with a wink, "I bet everyone is thinking we make a handsome couple." He smiled and thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I'm sure we would, and you're certainly a wonderful girl, but I don't think we're compatible enough in our needs and preferences... we would have a great time at first, then after a while those differences would start to take a strain on our relationship and we'd break up in spectacular fashion. I don't want us to get hurt like that, but I think it's cool that we can hang out as friends."
Which on second thought makes it sound like he had at least given it some think-time, but as it happened, it was me that was forcing a smile and nodding, and cried that night when he'd gone home. I'm still not really sure if I'm the one hung up on him and not wanting to admit it to myself. Or maybe as you say he fancies me a little, but I don't quite meet his requirements.
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If you like him, make a move. But be prepared for him to reject the fact that you are violating social norms. (He sounds like a traditional role kinda guy.) Just swallow the (temporary) hurt and press on.
I personally think more girls should be the 'agressor'. Be a trend setter!
Also, the fact that he had such a well-reasoned arguement for why you shouldn't date tells me as well that he has 'given it some think-time' and has constructed a rationalization about why he shouldn't hit on you. He might be in like with you, but since our cultures gender paradigm does not encourage love in a non-sexual context, that is causing him some distress.
My thoughts all involve serious straight talk.
But like i said before, be prepared for him to reject your role-violating.
Good luck!