Sharon

My best friend is a guy I've known for a couple of years now, and have gotten closer to in the past few months after I broke up with my last boyfriend in Sept. We spend a fair bit of time together, going out to the movies, having dinner or being at each others' house, and we are in touch by phone or instant messenger pretty much every day. He made it clear from the start that he wouldn't be interested in being involved with me romantically, which I think has allowed our friendship to grow to where it is now.

He is the person I call when I don't know what to do, or have a personal crisis - and his response is constantly to encourage me to make decisions on my own and be independent. On several occasions, in my depression I hit the bars and pubs hard, and he took taken me home to safety, staying with me through my wailing and ranting, and resisting my drunken (and at the time, very much genuine) requests for him to take advantage of me - in other words being a true gentleman.

He has been a big part of my recent personal growth, and I honestly don't know what I'd have done without him.

Recently I have started dating again, and I really want him to meet and tell me what he thinks of my dates. His opinion means a great deal to me. He has resisted so far, saying the decision should be mine and he doesn't want to feel like he is partly responsible for who I go out with. He has also reiterated that I need to learn to cope on my own, and spend less time relying on him.

As friends, I want to be able to tell him the things that I am happy about as well as upset about, but he doesn't seem to particularly want to hear about my dating life. When I want to share how I feel about being stood up by someone, or one of my dates kissing me, he goes all quiet. He doesn't exactly say "I don't want to know about it", but his body language doesn't suggest he is keen to listen.

I feel like he is distancing himself from me, and it scares me... I called him earlier today, and part of conversation was discussing the view that close platonic friendships with members of the opposite sex only seem to work when both friends are single... that in his experience, every time his female friends found a boyfriend, they pretty much disappeared with the friendship, and we should both be prepared for that as I was starting to see other people.

I don't yet feel ready to have a boyfriend or a relationship, and have stresssed this repeatedly, but once again he says he has heard it all before, only for his friend to fall hopelessly in love and forget about him.

I would dearly love for us both to continue to double-date when we find partners... he dates regularly but has not managed to find someone he would like to see more seriously.

I am a bit confused - is he readying me or readying himself? I am guessing in his view, as soon as I find a man, I won't have time to think about him any more, so it seems like it is more for his benefit that mine... I sense that he may already be pre-emptively mourning the loss of our companionship. So far in our friendship, I have not been able to detect a shred of selfishness in his motives, but I guess it is only understandable that he should want to protect himself.

What do you think is going on here? Can a platonic friendship survive a new relationship with someone else?

And what should / can I do? Please help...