abaya

Sultana, I agree with you here. I don't have any major problems with porn--while I do prefer porn that is ethically produced and is more realistic about sex, I don't condemn the whole industry or the guys who watch it.

But I sense the same attitude that you mention... that one should never question the fact that ALL MEN MUST WATCH PORN (or die?)... at least, that's what I hear in many of the posts, except for Willravel's. I think it's important to question why and when you watch porn, to make sure it stays in its proper context.

For example, in ktspktsp's and my first 6-8 months together, the subject of porn didn't often come up. I think that's mostly because we were together almost all the time, and he had no need for porn. (He actually deleted the majority of his porn from his computer when we got together.) I was also new to the world of sex in general, so porn was something I didn't even think about, until I started getting more curious.

Then TFP came along. At the same time ktspktsp had to move 3 hours away for his new job. These two things combined to make me more interested in porn, given the distance and curiosity. He and I talked a lot about it, discussing his own habits and preferences, and I checked out a lot of stuff on TFP. My ideas changed as I started to understand that there are different qualities of porn (especially female-produced), and also that I could really get off from it. I became less scared of it and more exploratory. We even made our own short videos, which was really fun.

I think ktspktsp and I have grown as a result of our discussions about porn, our feelings about it (including me being brutally honest back then, which included a lot of the attitudes that the OP expressed), and our willingness to hear each other out. I am no longer threatened by porn, and I love hearing that he's been masturbating when we're apart (whether to pictures of me/us or porn women)... and I like telling him what I'm looking at. Sometimes we'll just get horny together by looking at the same stuff on Exhibition and TB, which leads to more fun...

Porn is not always bad. It can be exploitative, but not always. Hiding it and/or being afraid of it, and judging it without understanding it, is bad for a relationship. It's also bad to say that men need it more than women, or that men have a divine "right" to watch it under any circumstance, etc.

Basically anything that cannot become an open, caring discussion with your significant other, is bad. If porn isn't something you can talk about easily, then I suggest you work on that in your communication with your SO.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran