This is going to sound crazy to some of you, but that only goes to show how true what I am about to tell you really is.
You see, this universe that we live in is so amazing, so wonderous, and so completely mindboggling, that it can only have been invented by Custard.
Whenever you're not 100% sure how something works, it's because Custard did it. Isn't that amazing? It might seem confusing, but that's because you have Custard in your mind - in fact, you're made of Custard. You just can't see it. It's a sort of a miracle you see. Still don't understand? That's because the universe was made by Custard. Isn't it clever?
How do we know these things? Because they are scientific fact. There's no actual evidence for it, but it's still a fact.
1) In the beginning, there was nothing at all - no energy, no mass, no nothing. No-one knows what happened at this time, which is why it must have been Custard.
2) Custard made everything that we see around us today. See the earth beneath your feet? What would you be standing on if the earth wasn't there? Nothing. That is a scientific fact. Since this mysterious 'nothing' has never been measured in a laboratory before, the only plausible explanation is that Custard made the Earth. From Jam. And Hammers.
3) The number 3 is a special number, not only because of the Holy Trinary of Custard, Jam and Hammers, but it's also the only number you can get from adding 1 and 2 together. This is why the universe is made by Custard from Jam and Hammers. Again, this is a fact because it has been written down.
4) Why do you think Hammers are called Hammers? Because many, many years ago Custard said so. How many Hammers are not called Hammers? None. This is yet more proof of Custard.
5) Nails are the Devil's fingernails. That's why they're called nails. Why do you think you never see Custard and Nails in the same place? Think about it. If Custard and Nails were not opposites, why would they not appear in the same cupboards? The reason is that Custard created the universe and the Devil made nails, and ever since then the two must never be placed in the same room.
6) If Custard hadn't created hammers, there would be no universe. Only nails. Therefore Custard made the universe. Out of Hammers.
7) If you built a house out of only Jam, it would quickly become covered in ants. Ants are clever in this respect because Custard told them to. Isn't that amazing? It's more than that, it's scientific fact.
8) Thousands of years before hands were invented, Custard used only his elbows to eat. More proof of His incredible skills and abilities. Can you imagine creating the whole universe with only your elbows? It's amazing isn't it!
9) Custard tells us that worms are dirty animals, and that we shoudn't eat them. Now, millions of years later, many of us don't eat worms but most of us still don't know why! Custard was right all along.
Here are some interesting websites that have the word custard in them. Remember these are facts, which proves that they are facts. Scientifically.
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