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As lurkette said, you think way too much. That's ok, so do I, and many people. I think it's a lot more common than you imagine for people to feel lost and directionless. I went to university after being a straight A type, honour roll student. It was tough and it affected me to this day. In university I learned that not everything is what it seems. That you can work hard and the benefits are small. That you can delay "important" issues and nothing much happens. This is all part of growing up. You realize that everyone is just working hard and pursuing their goals, not because they have someone on their ass telling them they have to do it, but because that's just what people do.
What you need to realize is that many people have found a balance in life, where they work hard, but they do it because they chose it that way. They chose a goal to work for, they chose that path to feel fulfilled. Not everyone has the good fortune of being able to choose. You still have that possibility.
I agree with you. I don't want to work for the sake of it, or just to earn truckloads of money. Money helps, but I want to be able to live too. I can't, and won't center all my life around work. But there is a possible balance. It just won't happen immediately, you have to work for it. So you could be a bum and the world wouldn't stop turning. But would that make you happy?
Stop postponing, whining, and hoping the world will do the work for you. In this short life we have, it seems stupid to not make your own choices and just let life drop whatever it wants in your lap. You could get lucky, but chances are you won't. So make a decision, and stick to it. Think long and hard about what you want, even if it's the simplest of things. Then make a relaistic plan of how you could get there. You don't have to be a rocket scientist. You don't even have to be a computer engineer. You could be a window washer if it makes you happy. Small simple steps to get you there. Account for all your failings except giving up. No matter what, you don't give up. That's the only rule. Can't be that hard to stick to, don't you think?
As for your obsession with things you like or that please you, that's a tough one. Just say no? It's harder than it sounds of course. You need to learn how to stop. If you've already realized that it's not doing you any good, that's a good start. Perhaps therapy could help you with that?
When you say that you don't feel guilty when you do something considered bad, it depends on the situation. If it's just with meaningless things, don't give it too much importance. You don't have to feel what is expected. People often don't. If that lack of emotion is something more serious, maybe therapy would help there too. I don't know how far I can help you there. You're probably also mildly depressed, which can be quite numbing.
I don't know if I can be of any help really, you have some complicated things going on in your head. Personally I think you need to focus and stop letting yourself get away with certain attitudes. Also, you should talk to other people more. By holding everything inside you are letting issues go through your thoughts over and over again till you have dissected them so much you have made up new problems you never thought you had. Just start living and work towards your goal and some of the rest, hopefully, will naturally flow from there.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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