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Wow.
I think that the most honest, straightforward, non-angst ridden thing you said in your whole post was the title line. "I'm a work in progress..." That is one of the truest things any single individual can accept and work from to improve themselves.
I don't think you're a horrible human being at all, though. I think you're simply human, and young... dealing with a place in your life where you are wondering if there is even a point to what you're working so hard to accomplish... and perhaps working so hard to accomplish for someone other than yourself.
Maybe therapy isn't such a bad idea... For the same reason you posted here... To have an objective ear, to hear theories about how you came to be where you are.... The plus side to therapy is that once you find a therapist that you like and trust, you will also have a guide to help you find the path that is right for you once you work through what got you to where you are now.
Just remember... You <i>are</i> a work in progress, and you always will be! If you stop making progress, you're not growing or changing.
Good luck!
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“When facism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.”
~Sinclair Lewis
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