hello ladies....
ive read a few threads, and i see all of you are very insightful, therefore i would like your insight on this situation.....hearing things from friends and family is one thing, and strangers is another. so my ladies, any input/advice i can get it more then appreciated. thanks in advance....so here goes....forgive me if its tooo long
ive been with my bf for 11 months (it will be a year april 1st). we live about 20-30 min apart from each other and see each other on the weekends bc he works a ft and pt job, i work ft and go to school ft. this past week my mother went away on a conference for her job (i live with her) and so he decided to stay with me while she was gone. well, what can i say, the week was more then lovely. it reasured me of our feelings for each other and i realised how much i care about him.
so, my mother came back on friday, and so i didnt spend time with him that night. as imon my way home from the airport, he calls me to say good night bc he was going to his neighbors house to play X-Box. i thought it was sweet of him to do that and we agreed that he was going to come over first thing saturday. that same night i actually stumbled upon tfp and was chatting with my life-long girlfriend around 2.30am on how i was worried he might cheat on me. im not the prettiest girl, but ive got personality. she said not to be silly that i know we both love each other, and i have nothing to worry about. it was strange however that after being with him for sometime that this thing came over me all of a sudden and had me to tears. she calmed me down and i fianlly went to bed around 3am.
the next day he came over, we went out to eat, and on our way to his house he gets a phone call. he acted a bit strange and rushed the "person" off the phone. mind you, i heard it was a girl. when i asked him who it was, he said it was his cousin, Dave. LIE. i told him, thats funny, i thought i heard a girls voice. he started laughing and asked me "how do you know" i told him "im not stupid, i know it was a girl" he told me it was Candice. his EX. i said ok what did she want? (mind you they had spoken earlier that week, and she was telling him "oh i miss you, letting you go was my biggest mistake....blah blah" BULLSHIT. ) he said he didnt know. then i confronted him and asked him why did you lie?? he said he thought it was akward and didnt want to make me feel bad by getting into an entire conversation with her. i told him i still dont understand what reasons she has to be calling you. he told me "you have nothing to worry about. i will never get back with her. your too special to me and i wont jepordize loosing you." ok...fine. but still he lied. and i know his EX has called before, but for some reason this time that she called my gut just couldnt leave me alone and it was bothering me something fierce.
we get back to his house, we lay down to watch some TV and we start fooling around. he takes his pants off and wat do i see?? he is freshly shaven down there. (#1 im on the rag, #2 the WHOLE week u were with me u didnt shave, and the one night we are NOT together, u are freshly shaven....) WHAT?!
NO NO NO NO NO!!!! RED FLAG!!! CODE RED!!!! something is UP!!!!! what the fuck!? my gut was telling me something was wrong!!! i knew it....so i started crying, and gave the excuse that it was my cramps. so i went to the bathroom. i came out and he was on the comp and so i asked to see his newly installed wall papers on the phone. in reality i checked his calls. when he called me friday night, it was 10.21pm. i saw that he has a call from his EX at 10.13 pm. i looked further and she had called him back to back at 8.53pm and 9.02pm. my gut told me there was something SERIOUSLY WRONG. we went back to watch TV and i asked him....."did you see her last night?" he started laughing. "you did didn't you?" again laughing he said "baby stop being silly" i told him "tell me, did u see her?" he said "yes. but just for a little bit." tears down my face. i knew everything was true. i walked out and put my jacket on. i was a mess. and this is wat he told me...
he spoke to her friday night and decided to see her. they went out for a few drinks and got a bit tipsy. he kissed her while at the bar. they left around 2.45am. they went back to her place (she lives with her bf and he was working. hes a bouncer) with all the intentions of sleeping together. she said she had to walk to dog, that she would be right back, so he stayed outside and smoked a cigarette while waiting for her. as she came back, HER bf showed up. the bf just walked in the house, and he said that at that moment (and he started crying as he told me this) he knew he wasn't supposed to be there. it was as if someone was telling him "u know this isnst supposed to happen and it wont. go home. your not supposedt o be here. you have a wonderful gf." he called a cab and went home. he got home around 3.15am. he told me he was so glad. that deep in his heart he knew his EX wasnt for him. he was so sorry for what he had done. he didnt want to lie to me. he felt awful. that while he was with her he relized how much i mean to him bc he cudnt bear the thought of loosing me. that i didnt deserve what he was doing to me bc ive been nothing but good to him.
believe me, there was yelling, tears, all that good stuff. i told him how cud u lie he said he was sorry he started crying and said that he didnt want to loose me, etc. etc. that hes taken me for granted, etc. god...i told him i didnt know waht to do....i cane be with someone that lies to me and thats wat he was, a liar.....god there was so much said.....
my question to all of you.........
what would you do? whats your adivce?? what do you think i should do? end it? go on? how do you learn to trust someone that you love so much again? how do i move on if i let go?? why does love hurt so much??
please feel free to ask my anything....im just a mess right now and any kind word will help. thanks once again ladies. sorry its SOOO LONG