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In my first marriage, I did indeed carry expectations for my wife. These were slowly wittled down as dissapointment forced me to abandon them in self preservation, this was a bitter lesson to learn and we both suffered because of them. I am also sure I failed to meet her expectations in ways as well, in fact one in particular ended the marriage (she expected me to convert to Christainity), though it was discussed and made clear before marriage this would not happen. This ties directly into the honesty in communications, as in hindsight it would seem Love was definately not enough to carry the relationship.
I now understand the detriment unrealistic expectations can be to a healthy relationship, after decades of painful education. I see expectations as something "I" place on someone else, and any dissapointment felt at a failure to meet these artificial perameters in my mind, are my own fault....not hers. Mind you, there are still things I can expect in our relationship, but by lowering these expectations to a realistic level, we are both far happier with each other and can actually discuss the realities of being there for each other...rather than who sets the damn alarm clock.
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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha
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