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Originally Posted by analog
Love me?
If you really got the love, everything else should fall into place by itself.
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Wow. Relationship Fallacy #1: Love Conquers All
Absolutely false. COMMUNICATION conquers all. Love without communication will never work. That's because different people express love differently. They also express other feelings differently.
Some good married-couple friends of our split up about a year ago. While they were separated, they tried couples therapy. She was unhappy because of things he would do. What she realized in therapy was this: if she did to him the things he was doing, it would be because she hated him. But he wasn't doing those things because he hated her; he was doing those things because he was oblivious! (He cheerfully agreed that this was the case.) With that issue resolved, they moved back in together, and have been very happy ever since. It was NEVER an issue of "if you've really got love". It was ENTIRELY a breakdown in communication.
Back to the topic: I expect my partner to communicate to the best of her ability, to be honest with herself and with me (given that we human beings frequently aren't honest with ourselves, that expectation is actually more like "strive to be increasingly honest with herself and me"), and to demand the same of me.