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smooth · 02-26-2006, 06:23 PM

I have a different view, as well.
My view is that in a rock-solid, lasting relationship communication is key.

Regardless of how accurate your assumptions are about her intentions with Anthony, I think you and your girlfriend should discuss how you feel.

If you take this path, and I think it's a difficult but mature path, then you have to learn some communication skills and also learn to deal with possible consequences. Anything that is going on in your head should be stated as such: "When I see you act [like so] I feel... or I interpret it as flirting. It makes me feel uncomfortable because...

Maybe the because is that you enjoy her company, feel deeply about her, or are just generally possessive (which some people may or may not like, but is certainly something the two of you can work through if desired). You don't necessarily have to name the "culprit" to have this conversation. All of those feelings are legitimate and it doesn't really serve any purpose to hide them from anyone, much less your significant other.

Maybe she just likes photography. But you would never know unless you asked. In which case, perhaps you two could figure some things out that she would gush over if you were to do them...because after all, men like it when women gush over them. and vice versa.

that said, you have to also be ready to deal with potential consequences. Perhaps she will reply, actually, we've only been together for a couple months and I don't feel as deeply about you as you do me. OR Yeah, I'm feeling some chemistry with one of your friends and I would like some space. Better now than later, in my opinion.

But your feelings are important, regardless of the fact that people may be uncomfortable with others who are possessive or insecure. The best person to talk about these things with are your significant others. The one who stays around and helps you deal with the unpleasantries as well as the pleasantries will be the keeper...maybe even become your wife.

02-26-2006, 06:23 PM	#19 (permalink)
smooth Junkie Location: Right here	I have a different view, as well. My view is that in a rock-solid, lasting relationship communication is key. Regardless of how accurate your assumptions are about her intentions with Anthony, I think you and your girlfriend should discuss how you feel. If you take this path, and I think it's a difficult but mature path, then you have to learn some communication skills and also learn to deal with possible consequences. Anything that is going on in your head should be stated as such: "When I see you act [like so] I feel... or I interpret it as flirting. It makes me feel uncomfortable because... Maybe the because is that you enjoy her company, feel deeply about her, or are just generally possessive (which some people may or may not like, but is certainly something the two of you can work through if desired). You don't necessarily have to name the "culprit" to have this conversation. All of those feelings are legitimate and it doesn't really serve any purpose to hide them from anyone, much less your significant other. Maybe she just likes photography. But you would never know unless you asked. In which case, perhaps you two could figure some things out that she would gush over if you were to do them...because after all, men like it when women gush over them. and vice versa. that said, you have to also be ready to deal with potential consequences. Perhaps she will reply, actually, we've only been together for a couple months and I don't feel as deeply about you as you do me. OR Yeah, I'm feeling some chemistry with one of your friends and I would like some space. Better now than later, in my opinion. But your feelings are important, regardless of the fact that people may be uncomfortable with others who are possessive or insecure. The best person to talk about these things with are your significant others. The one who stays around and helps you deal with the unpleasantries as well as the pleasantries will be the keeper...maybe even become your wife. __________________ "The theory of a free press is that truth will emerge from free discussion, not that it will be presented perfectly and instantly in any one account." -- Walter Lippmann "You measure democracy by the freedom it gives its dissidents, not the freedom it gives its assimilated conformists." -- Abbie Hoffman