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Overall, I want to thank you all for being honest with me about my part (not making boundaries), and I want to be clear that I think I have come a long way since I was in college and friends with this person. I had no clue what boundaries were, back then. Today, as Sweetpea said, I think I am much stronger in my self and assertive in my communication about what I need, but this particular friendship was a remnant from an earlier time when I did not know how to do that. I still struggle when I am forced to make a decision like this and hurt people's feelings, but I know I can only really take care of myself first, and it's up to them how to react. I am growing..
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oh honey! It's so good to grow up and expand your defintion of "self!" I have had to stop friendships with three or four people (and I mean, literally decide to "pull the plug" on the relationship, not just gradually drift apart) and one of those people was my best friend for a while. I didn't sit down and coach them through not being their friend anymore, I just let things taper for a bit (like you have done with this guy) and the just stopped talking to them.
I even had an ex-BF from junior year of HS that would do the *exact* same thing to me as this guy was doing to you- flirty, sexual, etc etc, after he was engaged and after he was married. He just made me feel icky up and down and sideways, and eventually I was like "you know what... this guy is just an ass, I have no reason to talk to him or care about him anymore...." so I stopped talking to him. I realized that I was talking to him because, like this guy you're talking about, he had a way of making me feel obligated to talk to him and listen to his problems and be manipulated by him. Sorry, my life is too short to let someone else run it!
good luck with all of this- sounds like you're doing *very* well with the course of action you have decided to take! And no, you're not an ass at all- he's an ass for not being a good friend and a good husband !
__________________
Sage knows our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's
She answers hard acrostics, has a pretty taste for paradox
She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
In conics she can floor peculiarities parabolous
-C'hi