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Originally Posted by abaya
Is it shallow of me to just want a "Christmas-card friendship" (you know what I mean, like calling/writing once a year with updates, that's it)? Can I actually ask someone for that? And honestly, if the guy doesn't want that, then I am fine with having no friendship at all. I just don't want some intense thing like what we had before.
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No, it's not shallow. And frankly, you aren't all that compatible anymore. You probably should have set firmer boundaries. But you kept bringing up what you were uncomfortable with, and he kept brushing it aside and took no clue from the fact that you _kept bringing it up._
In other words, good guy or otherwise, he's not an especially sensitive person. And since you have boundary issues, you're probably happier around more sensitive people who can pick up a clue from what you're telling them, or at least will not blithely cross over into your space and start rearranging the furniture whenever they feel like it.
Good friends are the relatives you choose, but sometimes old friends turn into people you would no longer choose if you were meeting them for the first time -- shared history holds you together, but your attitudes and interests have drifted apart.
Breaking off with somebody like that is difficult if both sides aren't ready for it. And it sounds like he's not. The hard thing is, you probably owe him more of an explanation -- and he probably won't get it. Nevertheless, you owe him the explanation, especially if you want to keep even a Christmas Card relationship. Which may not be possible in any case.