abaya

Thanks to both Owl and Shani for your responses. Owl, thanks for not calling me an asshole. Shani, your honesty made me really think about his side of things... which I've been trying to do all morning (I thought about it for a long time before sending that e-mail, too... believe me, all those months of silence, I was thinking about how to communicate with this person).

I have to say, this behavior-discussion did not come out of the blue. Since they were engaged/got married, I brought up twice in a non-confrontational manner (probably not firm enough, which is why I said I wasn't good at boundaries) that it was weird to be flirting like that in front of his wife. He kind of brushed it off, and so did his wife. They said I was like his little sister, whom he also teased about sexual stuff, that it was no big deal. I decided to try to shrug it off, too (bad idea)... around them, I always feel like they are in control of the situation and I have to go along. I know that is my perception, but there are very few people that I "perceive" that feeling around... so I wonder if it's really just me, or them too.

I forgot to say that a few months after the hot-tub incident, the guy did call me to say hi... it was an awkward phone call for me, and I mentioned that I had felt uncomfortable at the hot-tub event. He brushed it off again, thinking I was just mentioning it in passing. I guess I was hoping he would pick up on it, but he didn't.

I know these are not good excuses for not making my feelings clear in the past, but honestly, I am the type of person who "gets a clue" when someone is dropping hints like that. I think I am mostly frustrated that this guy didn't get the clue... and now I am lost as to what to do. If he had never replied to that e-mail, I wouldn't have missed him... but since he did reply, and pick up the phone, I feel like I have to re-engage with this person and "give him a chance." He said on the phone that I am blaming him for everything. I don't even know. I feel like I am dealing with an ex-boyfriend instead of a fading friendship...

I am not sure if I want a friendship with him, and it's not just the sexual flirting and whatnot. I didn't like how they cut off her whole family in the wedding. They have both been in all kinds of therapy for years (individual, group, couples), and everything they say feels like it's conditioned by therapy. Now, I am a fan of therapy, but I don't like it when I feel like someone is analyzing every word I say and the whole thing feels forced.

Maybe these are the deeper issues under the friendship that I could not see, and the flirting discomfort is only the surface. I don't know how to communicate those things to someone, though. Why do I have to do that? Has anyone else had to explicitly tell someone WHY you don't want to be around them anymore??

... well, my counseling appointment is coming soon, so hopefully I will get some insight on the situation there, also. But I really appreciate your responses, everyone.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran