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Trust your girlfriend/wife.
Let her know that you trust her. Let her also know that you see x, y, and z.. and not because you're the boyfriend or husband, but because you're on Team Guy. You know how it works- as sleazy and horrible it is to be scamming on another guy's girl, you at least know how it looks and feels. You know she'd never do anything, but you're concerned with the friendship motives of a guy whose goals are so obvious to you. Make sure you leave room for her to insist nothing of the sort is going on, that he's "just a friend" or "harmless"- because 99% of the time she will. She's going to see it as you being territotial, or needy, or implying some extra form of "ownership", or (at its base) that you simply don't trust her.
Trust is paramount- respect trust, and you respect her.
And ladies- if your boyfriend/husband tells you he's convinced a male friend of yours is trying to get close to you, scamming you, PLEASE AT LEAST LISTEN. All the trust in the world doesn't matter when the guy has motives other than just being friends. If his motives are anything more than friendship, then he has no respect for you, your boyfriend/husband, or your relationship- and that's no kind of friend to have.
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