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I am going to approach this from the other side of the fence. Years ago, my husband had an affair. She knew we were married. She knew I was pregnant. She knew we already had a child. However, all she knew of our actual relationship is what he told her. The stress from the whole situation put me in the hospital. She had the nerve to call me to see if I was faking just to get him back. (My OB promptly got on the phone and told her to leave my husband alone "homewrecker") She honestly thought I should have no right to be upset or to try to reconcile with my husband because he was "in love" with her. To make a long story short, he came home, we went to counseling and are very happily still married with a 3rd child.
I am guessing she also needs closure because, even though it's been 7 years, she contacted my husband about 2 months ago on another website he's a member of. He told her he was sorry to have hurt her but to please not contact him again.
In a way, I feel bad for her that she is obviously hanging onto this to some degree. Very sad really. However, she put herself in this situation. She and my husband are equally to blame in my eyes. That affair still affects our relationship to some degree. I don't regret reconciling, but truthfully, I wish she would get run over by a bus or something.
I guess what I'm saying is, regardless of how you feel about the wife, show her some respect and just leave him alone. Forever. If they try to work things out, prove you care about him and stay away. Talking to him at any point will only cause more problems for them. And honestly, the only way for you to get past this is to try to forget about him. And don't EVER put yourself where you know you'll be around him.
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