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Old 02-07-2006, 09:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
JustJess
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Location: Kittyville
It's beautiful, Shani.
If you want honest... okay. There's a feeling of meter in it, if not a formal one. For that reason, I would snip "just" in "just like our love" and "where" in "where each person is still their own", and perhaps consider simplifying this line "in a way from ancient times"... maybe use "as in ancient times"? To avoid repeating "way".

My favorite parts:
"Just like my love for you
it has a beginning
but knows no end"

and
"knots of strength
and of power
mirror our love
until our day is done"

Nice work, Shani! He'll LOVE it, with or without changes. :*
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