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innovis · 02-04-2006, 03:16 AM

A frequently occuring thread that I've seen pop up on this and other message boards has motivated me to post this question...

It seems that many guys have problems with their significant other having male friend(s) who are uncomfortably close and almost visibly gunning for her, to everyone except her.

So I guess my question is, what is a guy to do in a situation where his girl either has an old friend or makes a new friend who is disrespectfully close and seriously flirting with/pursuing the girl, and the girl does not see it, or does not see that it bothers you, or does not care/do anything to stop it? It seems like the general consensus is that bringing up the issue makes you seem weak, insecure, or that you lack confidence, and makes the woman more defensive and closer to said friend. What is the solution?

Somehow it gets twisted to seem like the issue is that you're afraid that your girlfriend will cheat on you/you don't trust her, and if you trusted her that it wouldn't be an issue.

I think the way the boyfriend geninuinely feels, though, is a variety of things...
1) That she is condoning courtship behavior that you went through to get her
2) That she is building a relationship with someone that, in the event of rough times with you, could be fallen back on
3) The new guy is either hoping for the demise of your relationship or trying to bring it about and is basically assaulting/insulting you personally
4) There is some major element of disrespect that I can't seem to express simply or elegantly, other than that someone is moving in on your "claim".

Solutions, comments, ideas, anyone?

The only thing I can think of is to talk about this kind of stuff before a relationship starts, and ascertain if this girl can be trusted to see this behavior and take action against it/if she expects you to take action against it.

I've noticed that many girls, perhaps due to lack of confidence, insecurity, or poor self esteem, think that guys aren't interested in them and so when a guy acts friendly it is not because he is interested, its because he wants to be friends. Obviously a guy can't lay out his entire hand if he knows that you're not single, and the only option for him at the time is to befriend you to get closer, because some women will outright turn away guys who quickly show romantic intent.

02-04-2006, 03:16 AM	#1 (permalink)
innovis Crazy	Something I've been pondering A frequently occuring thread that I've seen pop up on this and other message boards has motivated me to post this question... It seems that many guys have problems with their significant other having male friend(s) who are uncomfortably close and almost visibly gunning for her, to everyone except her. So I guess my question is, what is a guy to do in a situation where his girl either has an old friend or makes a new friend who is disrespectfully close and seriously flirting with/pursuing the girl, and the girl does not see it, or does not see that it bothers you, or does not care/do anything to stop it? It seems like the general consensus is that bringing up the issue makes you seem weak, insecure, or that you lack confidence, and makes the woman more defensive and closer to said friend. What is the solution? Somehow it gets twisted to seem like the issue is that you're afraid that your girlfriend will cheat on you/you don't trust her, and if you trusted her that it wouldn't be an issue. I think the way the boyfriend geninuinely feels, though, is a variety of things... 1) That she is condoning courtship behavior that you went through to get her 2) That she is building a relationship with someone that, in the event of rough times with you, could be fallen back on 3) The new guy is either hoping for the demise of your relationship or trying to bring it about and is basically assaulting/insulting you personally 4) There is some major element of disrespect that I can't seem to express simply or elegantly, other than that someone is moving in on your "claim". Solutions, comments, ideas, anyone? The only thing I can think of is to talk about this kind of stuff before a relationship starts, and ascertain if this girl can be trusted to see this behavior and take action against it/if she expects you to take action against it. I've noticed that many girls, perhaps due to lack of confidence, insecurity, or poor self esteem, think that guys aren't interested in them and so when a guy acts friendly it is not because he is interested, its because he wants to be friends. Obviously a guy can't lay out his entire hand if he knows that you're not single, and the only option for him at the time is to befriend you to get closer, because some women will outright turn away guys who quickly show romantic intent.