Thanks for all your help, even though it was things i didn't want to hear lol.
I'd like to thank my uncle ben for some sound rational advice, but i have to say mr toaster is right, i don't think i can follow it through. Not right now at least. While mr ben is speaking rationally, i have no desire to act at all rationally. I know it's delaying the inevitable, but i'm just not ready yet to let it all go. It's not a race after all :P
I'm just having a hard time really believing something coming from half a world away on msn messenger, and if it happens, well, it happens, but i'd rather it happens after she's returned and we can actually talk about it properly (MSN usage for her is plagued by bad connections, bad computers, poor web-based services, and other people demanding use of the computer and watching conversations).
Also, i think i should clarify for the people commenting on being ashamed of my sexuality. I'm not. I can be a horny little bastard, and most of the time i am, but i'm not ashamed about it. Nor my body - I felt secure and safe when we were naked together, and she did too (her comments about certain aspects of my body certainly helped vanquish any lingering doubts :P
).
What i was and am ashamed about is that when she was trying to tell me she wasn't ready and it was affecting her i couldn't accept it and tried to talk her out of it - i wasn't respecting her.
I think we might have had one, maybe two sexual encounters after she voiced her concerns, one of which (also the last time we were together) was a bit funny, i think she felt forced into it...just the whole vibe wasn't right and neither of us were very satisfied afterwards.
Again, thanks everyone, and i apologise for the god-awful typing, at least i made some sense :P