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Forget me not...
Location: See that dot on the map? I don't live there.
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Help Me: Get Him Off Of My Couch - Without The Loss Of Friendship.
Hello again all! Some of you may not know me, as I see we have a lot of newbies here on TFP, however, I've been here on TFP for some time now, though a few months have passed by and my presence and posts have been few and far between.
The reason for this post is, basically, I need some advice on my current roommate situation. You see, I'm not very good at diplomacy, and it's not easy for me to let someone know something isn't to my liking without me, in some way, upsetting or offending the person, getting upset myself during the conversation, or me coming across, frankly, as a total bitch.
I apologize, everyone, I'm digressing a bit. Let me stop wasting time and get to the details...
I'll try to make this as brief as possible without being too obscure or omit any important details. However, bear with me, as I'm without internet still so if you have any questions, my responses may take a bit of time.
To give a little bit of background on my living situation, I'm (female) living with my two best guy friends: Sean and Andy.
Sean and I have been in eachother's life for 6 years now. Sean has remained, for the most part, a dependable, trustworthy and solid part of my life.
Andy and I have been in eachother's life for a little over 2 1/2 years now.
Sean and Andy are opposites in several different areas, such as:
Work Ethic: The majority of the time Sean has been in my life, he has maintained steady employment. The majority of the time Andy has been in my life, Andy has been unemployed. With Andy, I've been the one to maintain semi-steady employment.
Dependability: Sean has remained more dependable in several different ways. Andy, more often than not, hasn't been very dependable.
Habits: Sean is relatively clean, semi-organized, helpful in chores around the home and within his personal living space, as well as common living areas of our home. Sean helps with chores around the house, cooks his own meals (as well as a meal for me, once in a while), does laundry, straightens up the house, vacuums, etc.
Andy does not. Andy leaves a mess of various size when he leaves the house (usually for 2-4 days at a time) and sleeps a hell of a lot when he is home. He often forgets to do dishes or whatever else I've asked him to do.
He had pretty much moved out of the home that we lived in (where I currently reside now), but now he is, again, living with Sean and I. Sean doesn't like living with Andy; I wouldn't mind it as much if Andy would just help out around the house and pick up after himself. Sean feels that Andy should get a job as well, and I agree with him.
Ok, now, I have spoken with Andy a few times now and have expressed to him that it's important for him to be looking for work - including showing proof that he is doing so (bringing home applications, filling them out while he is home, and leaving with them to turn them in) - and that if he fails to do so, he is to move out on the 14th of January, no ifs, ands or buts.
Admittedly, I have a bit of a problem with assertiveness - when I spoke to Andy in December, I gave him until the 6th of January - he disappeared for 3 days and returned home on the 6th of January (and he has a large book of cds that I need to copy [long story]), and he said that he had been looking for work (asked if anyone had called for him), so I gave him an extention until the 14th.
Now, when the 14th comes, I fear I will buckle and the day will pass...and Andy will still be sleeping his life away on my living room couch, making messes for me to clean up after I get home from a long night of working (I'm a server at a restaurant) or when he leaves for a few (or several) days.
When January 14th comes, or even if it passes, what would be the easiest and most civil way to "help" Andy pack his things and move out? How do I do this without making him feel unwanted?
Even though he lacks in skills in various areas, I know that, deep down, he's a good guy. I'm very close to both him and Sean, and I care a lot for both of them. I silently pray that Andy will someday "wake up" and finally get what I've been trying to tell him - not so much about him living with us - but more of just the importance of holding a job, cleaning up after yourself, helping around the house, etc.
What do you think - is he hopeless? I'd like to think not, however, a tiny, little voice waaayyyy deep inside says "yes".
So, everyone, any ideas? If you don't have any ideas on what to say to him, in worst-case-scenario, any ideas on how to make the living situation with him any better (i.e. more tolerable)??? Any ideas??
I appreciate any help given! Thank you, in advance, for taking the time to read this and just giving my situation thought - if not, advice, for my dilemma. THANK YOU!
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For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620
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