leftyderek

So I just had a really terrible end- and start-of-year.
My girlfriend whom I thought would really be the one told me that she doesn't have enough strength to go on with our long distance relationship.
I met her a year ago, when we were both studying in Norway. Things went just so fine until I graduate from there and go to university in Canada while she is still finishing her last year in Norway. By the way I spent a whole month at her place for christmas and new year after not seeing her for 4 months. But now that's it I guess and the return trip back to Canada was hell for me.

I just cannot make up my mind what to do. She told me just now she wish she could sit next to me, hug me and hold my hand right now and she's sorry for hurting me so much. What is going on?

Not too long after we broke up yesterday, a really close friend of mine told me that my ex-'s close friend admits to my close friend that he has fallen in love with my ex-. And that friend told me the friend of my ex- said he was sure that my ex- would love him also, or something similar to that. Sorry if it is too confusing. What I got from my ex was that she is not interested in him. I also asked if she broke up with me because of someone else, and I got a solid no. But the little bit of information I got frmo my close friend just confuses me a bit. And apparently my ex, that guy and his roomate were planning to have a roadtrip in Europe this summer, while my ex told me she would be having a summerjob at home. Maybe she changed her plans, maybe it was a misunderstanding. I am a paranoid and imaginative person- hence all these confusions.

Then again I do trust her. She told me she won't get together with someone else like within a short time, and very honestly they only have around half a year left in Norway. Also honestly if she thinks it is better for her, I would be happy for her too.

I don't really get it. What is going on? If she doesn't love me anymore, why would she tell me that she wish she could sit next to me and hold my hands or give me a hug? Just out of guilt and pity or what?

Ah well. Sorry. Jet lag and grief. Not a good combination.

And I lost my tobacco pipe during a metal concert. It was a nice pipe...

Don't really know why I typed this post, just say something here if you wish to.

__________________
-Imagine how beautiful the world would be if we could only do things for the first-and-last time. Imagine this is the last time you would ever be able to imagine. Imagine that.

-Die Lust der Zerstörung ist gleichzeitig eine schaffende Lust.

-...and god said
Lx1,go!
and there was light...