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A glass of wine actually may not be such a bad idea. Picture a candlelit dinner, a glass of wine and some good, mellow music to put her in the mood...
What it comes down to is, (and I find myself sounding like a fucking parrot, I say this so often) sex is mental. I don't mean mental as in crazy; I mean that what you're thinking and feeling will dictate how your body reacts and how things go. If you're into it, want to have a good time and can just relax, that's what will happen. If you're stressed, things may not go so smoothly.
She does have to go to a gyno. It sounds like it's probably in her head, but it is also possible that there's some physical problem that's getting in the way too and you need to rule that out. These people are professionals and can help you get this figured out in a way nobody here can. Having said that...
Basically, there's not a whole hell of a lot you can do. You cannot make her okay with this until she does it for herself. How the hell could you possibly be expected to give her an orgasm or even make it enjoyable for her if she doesn't even know what's enjoyable? Every girl (and guy, for that matter) is different in what they like and dislike in the bedroom and it's up to her to explore her own body and figure out what works. That doesn't mean she can't have your encouragement and assistance in the matter, just that she needs to figure things out.
Try a different take. Give her a night (yes, a whole night; rent a hotel room if you have to) to be entirely about her. Tell her that you want to give her the most amazing experience she's ever had. Tell her that you are her willing slave for a night and will do anything she wants you to do, without exception. Then tell her that you don't know what to do, so she has to tell you. Ask her to be explicit. If she wants you to rub her clit, she has to say 'rub my clit'. If she wants you to go faster or slower, harder or more gently, she has to specify. Suck on her nipples, whatever.
If that's too much for her, you can try a bit of a softer touch and tell her that you're going to explore her body, but that you need her to tell you what's working and what isn't. There is no subtlety here; she has to be overt about it. Make sure you get it across to her that there is nothing that is taboo, there is nothing that you won't do for her. And make it clear that you will not stop until she has an orgasm. Then follow through with it.
And don't worry about they 'I'll do anything' bit; I'd lay odds that she's not going to ask you for much more than masturbation or oral. From the sounds of it she's way too inhibited to start getting into kink.
I don't think she's lying to you about never having orgasmed. Why would she? She has no motivation to lie about that. So you need to show her why it's good to have sex, what the good parts of it are, so that she'll want to and not be so fuggin tense.
And a quick word of caution; it's entirely possible that she may just not be able to orgasm at this point. If she's this wound up about things, it might not even be in the picture at all. If it seems like that's the case, focus instead on giving her as much pleasure as you possibly can.
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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said
- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame
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