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Have you tried slowing down after you're in? If you get too excited and you can hear from her breathing that she's not there yet, take a little break and maybe play with her nipples. Or change positions. Then start again. If she's really ready, then she'll start slamming herself against you. Then, at that time, you can really let loose. Also, I think Seaver's idea about practicing control of your peeing muscles is pretty good.
I think the fact that you do oral and cuddling is a very good sign. You really don't have anything to worry about.
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