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JustJess · 01-03-2006, 07:49 AM

*laughs to herself as she remembers having these conversations with her own guy*

Dael, are you *sure* you're not Quadro with a new name???

Okay. There is a concept in the relationship world - "love languages". Everyone understands and recognizes love and affection in different ways. Many men express their love and affection through sexual means, but many women do not understand it in that manner. Conversely, many women express their love and affection in ways that may not register to many men. An irony, actually. But anyway, this might help you to explain what you're missing to your GF. Would physical closeness of any kind help you to feel that affection you need, or is it only the sexual part that can do it for you?

So when you talk to her, talk about your EMOTIONAL needs, not your sexual needs. Because it's not about sex, it's about emotion. Sex is just the physical representation of love to you. And find out what kind of expressions of love she's looking for as well. Think about and experiment with all the ways that love could be communicated to you and to her. Remember that her sending you random flowers is her way of expressing love and affection (I know, I do it myself!), so take it as thus.

As for the libido being low... it's hard hard hard to talk about and do something about. I know how she feels exactly - Quadro is beautiful and sexy and everything I want, but I can't force my hormones to react properly and give him that expression of love that he needs. Considering she's 20, it may be physical. Is she on B/C pills? I'm finding that my libido has been better in the last month... my first month off B/C. I don't know if that's possible so soon, but it seems like an improbable coincidence. And I've heard a lot of anecdotal evidence supporting the idea that some women have a lower libido on hormonal B/C.

If it's not B/C or something else physical... I wish you luck in being patient. It's a tough subject. I've said it before on this forum... sometimes, you just can't help it. I WANT to have a libido, probably more than Quadro wants me to. There's a lot of guilt and depression and otherwise yucky feelings associated with that. I want to give him what he needs. The best thing you can do is try to allow her to be in control of that - don't pressure (and you'd be amazed what little can be construed as pressure, and no, we don't think it's fair, but it's how we emotionally react, unfortunately). Try to let her instigate it as much as possible, even when you want to be with her so badly. And be physically affectionate all the time, not just when you're hopeful for some sexual closeness. That will give her more opportunities to take it to another level. Also, if you want to start something, try doing so at times of the day OTHER than bedtime (not when you're due to be somewhere, we worry about that stuff sometimes). Bedtime often equals booty time for many people, and perhaps that pressure contributes to her concerns/low libido.

And remember, women's libido is a sensitive thing. Exhaustion, health, and stress are major factors. No matter what, more sleep = more booty for me, and I've heard similar things from other women.

Good luck. Be patient. Things will improve!

01-03-2006, 07:49 AM	#18 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	laughs to herself as she remembers having these conversations with her own guy Dael, are you sure you're not Quadro with a new name??? Okay. There is a concept in the relationship world - "love languages". Everyone understands and recognizes love and affection in different ways. Many men express their love and affection through sexual means, but many women do not understand it in that manner. Conversely, many women express their love and affection in ways that may not register to many men. An irony, actually. But anyway, this might help you to explain what you're missing to your GF. Would physical closeness of any kind help you to feel that affection you need, or is it only the sexual part that can do it for you? So when you talk to her, talk about your EMOTIONAL needs, not your sexual needs. Because it's not about sex, it's about emotion. Sex is just the physical representation of love to you. And find out what kind of expressions of love she's looking for as well. Think about and experiment with all the ways that love could be communicated to you and to her. Remember that her sending you random flowers is her way of expressing love and affection (I know, I do it myself!), so take it as thus. As for the libido being low... it's hard hard hard to talk about and do something about. I know how she feels exactly - Quadro is beautiful and sexy and everything I want, but I can't force my hormones to react properly and give him that expression of love that he needs. Considering she's 20, it may be physical. Is she on B/C pills? I'm finding that my libido has been better in the last month... my first month off B/C. I don't know if that's possible so soon, but it seems like an improbable coincidence. And I've heard a lot of anecdotal evidence supporting the idea that some women have a lower libido on hormonal B/C. If it's not B/C or something else physical... I wish you luck in being patient. It's a tough subject. I've said it before on this forum... sometimes, you just can't help it. I WANT to have a libido, probably more than Quadro wants me to. There's a lot of guilt and depression and otherwise yucky feelings associated with that. I want to give him what he needs. The best thing you can do is try to allow her to be in control of that - don't pressure (and you'd be amazed what little can be construed as pressure, and no, we don't think it's fair, but it's how we emotionally react, unfortunately). Try to let her instigate it as much as possible, even when you want to be with her so badly. And be physically affectionate all the time, not just when you're hopeful for some sexual closeness. That will give her more opportunities to take it to another level. Also, if you want to start something, try doing so at times of the day OTHER than bedtime (not when you're due to be somewhere, we worry about that stuff sometimes). Bedtime often equals booty time for many people, and perhaps that pressure contributes to her concerns/low libido. And remember, women's libido is a sensitive thing. Exhaustion, health, and stress are major factors. No matter what, more sleep = more booty for me, and I've heard similar things from other women. Good luck. Be patient. Things will improve! __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.