Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Family conflict and alcohol . . . need advice

BigBen · 01-03-2006, 06:54 AM

The reply that your brother gave your father and then your father relayed the info back to you was like, what, fourth hand information now?

You need to clear up the lines of communication.

You also need to look at the situation objectively, and are posting the thread so that we may shed light on the situation. Remember, I don't know you or the situation, only what you have told me.... Think of me like a really handsome and brilliant internal dialogue:

1. Your sister-in-law has a drinking problem. She is not an alcoholic until she admits it and goes to get help, blah blah blah. You don't need me to tell you about Alcoholics Anonymous. What she did was not really her, and you should forget about whatever it is that she said. People say some pretty mean shit when they are drunk, and this is a great example.

2. Your brother is not "Playing the victim" here, he IS THE VICTIM. Think about that for a second. He was looking at his shoes and going absolutely passive in the situation. Does this sound like a guy who is encountering this for the first time? Not to me, your inner dialogue. You know him better than anyone else, so think about the situation he is in; the shame, anger, fear, hurt aren't just for the female gender. Women are not the only ones that can be abused in a heterosexual relationship... What is worse is that society does not have ANY support for men who are abused. We are supposed to be the stronger sex, and when we aren't, everyone turns their backs.

3. You didn't post the things she said, and you don't have to. That would take forever, and we don't need the gritty details. What you need to do is explain to your children what alcohol is, what it does, and what happens when people drink too much. Saying she is "sick" is a good start, but I want you to talk to your kids. They probably freaked out, seeing you and your wife like that.

Finally, I would find a moment where you can talk to her and she is sober. Not confrontational, but you need to explain that she does not get a free pass on what she said to you. She will probably appologize, but be ready for the opposite too.
I cannot stress how important it is to have the conversation when she is SOBER. You don't need anyone else there, not your brother or anyone... She hurt you, and you need to clear it up. She should, but can't because of her drinking problem. You need to offer your help, but don't condescend.

Keep up the good fight. Help your brother, and talk to him, not fourth hand communication. Face-to-face.

01-03-2006, 06:54 AM	#6 (permalink)
BigBen Comedian Location: Use the search button	The reply that your brother gave your father and then your father relayed the info back to you was like, what, fourth hand information now? You need to clear up the lines of communication. You also need to look at the situation objectively, and are posting the thread so that we may shed light on the situation. Remember, I don't know you or the situation, only what you have told me.... Think of me like a really handsome and brilliant internal dialogue: 1. Your sister-in-law has a drinking problem. She is not an alcoholic until she admits it and goes to get help, blah blah blah. You don't need me to tell you about Alcoholics Anonymous. What she did was not really her, and you should forget about whatever it is that she said. People say some pretty mean shit when they are drunk, and this is a great example. 2. Your brother is not "Playing the victim" here, he IS THE VICTIM. Think about that for a second. He was looking at his shoes and going absolutely passive in the situation. Does this sound like a guy who is encountering this for the first time? Not to me, your inner dialogue. You know him better than anyone else, so think about the situation he is in; the shame, anger, fear, hurt aren't just for the female gender. Women are not the only ones that can be abused in a heterosexual relationship... What is worse is that society does not have ANY support for men who are abused. We are supposed to be the stronger sex, and when we aren't, everyone turns their backs. 3. You didn't post the things she said, and you don't have to. That would take forever, and we don't need the gritty details. What you need to do is explain to your children what alcohol is, what it does, and what happens when people drink too much. Saying she is "sick" is a good start, but I want you to talk to your kids. They probably freaked out, seeing you and your wife like that. Finally, I would find a moment where you can talk to her and she is sober. Not confrontational, but you need to explain that she does not get a free pass on what she said to you. She will probably appologize, but be ready for the opposite too. I cannot stress how important it is to have the conversation when she is SOBER. You don't need anyone else there, not your brother or anyone... She hurt you, and you need to clear it up. She should, but can't because of her drinking problem. You need to offer your help, but don't condescend. Keep up the good fight. Help your brother, and talk to him, not fourth hand communication. Face-to-face. __________________ 3.141592654 Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.