Dael

Hey guys,

Thanks for all the great advice. It's honestly been fine for the past few days as an old buddy of mine came into town and we've been hanging out, so now I'm not needing my GF for a 'crutch' so much to support my loneliness and boredom.

I agree with what some of you have said, though, regarding her commitment to the reltionship. As little_tippler said, I feel I should be able to express my insecurities and feelings to my GF without fear of getting her all pissed off at me, which she does often in this kind of scenario.

As for little_tippler's question about our ages, I'm 24 (this being my second long-term relationship) and she is 20 (also her second). I know you'll all probably say that this is very young for her and all that, but honestly I've heard it before and i don't really feel like hearing it again. She is the love of my life, and I'd like to be with her as long as I may.

I suppose I should admit that there is much more to our relationship than meets the eye here. there is some wonderful, insightful content on this forum and i've been reading quite a bit of it over the past few days. It hes recently come to my attention, then, that I believe a lot of how I behave when away from her and whatnot is a product of our sex life together. i.e. her fine with it, me not so much.

Although we get along very well together on a day to day basis and really enjoy our time with one another, we have quite different views regarding love and sex:

Her: Sex is Sex... that's it. Penis into Vagina = sex. She does not feel there is any difference between sex and fucking and making love, etc. It's all just fucking.

Me: I don't fuck... or at least I haven't before. I come from a conservative familial upbringing where there was a lot of love in the family, so I cannot, indeed will not, have sex with someone that I don't have deep feelings for. To attest to this fact, i will state that my first long-term relationship was 4 years, and we didn't have sex until after a year and a half (and she had been wanting it for like a year before I finally felt ready). As such, I feel just 'fucking' is kind of dirty... never had any one-night-stands or anything of the sort. I make love.

Well, here comes the problem with our sex life together. As I've said, we;ve been together for over 2 years, and I swear to any higher power listening that I am more infatuated with her now than I was when we first started seeing each other. Just the sight of her bending over to pick up a book or take a sweater off gets my blood bubbling with adrenaline. In a perfect world, I'd make love her at least once a day.

She's happy with like once a week... and even then it's not because she wants me, but rather she starts to feel guilty because she knows how anxious I'm getting after that length of time. This has been going on for about 5-6 months. I've read all the posts here about similar (even identical) topics, but I'm still at a loss as to what I can do to rectify this, because I definitely need it more from her. Where the problem really arises though is in our differences in perspective. She just can not understand, no matter how much i've talked to her about and tried to explain myself, that it's not just SEX I need from her. She gets upset whenever I bring this topic up because she starts thinking I'm some kind of perv or something and am only about sex sex sex.

I'm having a hard tinme conveying my true feelings here, as I do with her. I'm hoping some of you can understand where I'm coming from and put it more eloquently than me. One of the posts I read just hit such a nerve with me though, and that's what made me decide to post this here. It was pretty much along the lines of how I don't think she understands that it's not the sex I need from her, or rather not just the physical penetration of P in V, but actually I just need to feel desired/wanted by her, and I don't at all.

Now, again, this is a hangup of mine unfortunately. I know that she does want to be with me (in a realtionship). I know she loves me, and even just a few days ago she sent me flowers for no reason with a card saying she was thinking of me and loves me. However, HER expressions and feelings of love do not include the bedroom, whereas MINE DO (as I said, for her sex is just that... sex). I'm feeling lost though as to what to do. I've tried all the stuff mentioned here in revious posts (the rubs, candles, incense, dinners) and it doesn't seem to work. Not only that, but like I saw in one post, I don't feel like I should have to put a huge effort into get some loving from her EVERY TIME I want it... there'd be no romance then, because things like dinners and baths and candles and such just wouldn't be special any more. Where's her effort to make sure that I feel wanted and desired?

Well, I'm going to stop here because this is just turning into a big rant. I have more to say, but I'll wait for replies and speak in shorter bursts depending on what people think. Thanks again guys, I really appreciate all this.