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Originally Posted by genuinegirly
Thanks, everyone, for the advice!
I have spoken some to the SO about it. The situation bothers to him to no end, but he doesn't see it as enough of an issue to do anything. He and his family are conflict-avoidant by nature, and this brother seems to be taking advantage of that trait. I know I have no place to discuss it with anyone else in his family, so I will continue attempting to show the SO that his brother's actions are destructive and need to be stopped.
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The problem with conflict-avoidant families -- and I speak as a member of one -- is not just that they avoid conflict, but that they don't actually know how to deal with it at all. So what can happen is that a problem can build and build until it can no longer be avoided, and then something or somebody snaps and reacts to the problem in a very extreme way, and not usually a constructive one. And nobody ever repairs the damage, because nobody know how to. And the family either fractures violently or drifts silently but inexorably apart, never to rejoin.
So do what you can with your SO -- and keep reminding him it's not just about the money, but about the health of his family.