An gentleman caller offers this post:
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How did you first get into it?
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I can't really recall the exact details. We had seen a well done porno involving swingers and it was a sort of 'that would be fun' moment between us. We started to investigate on the internet and went from there.
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How did the SO respond initially?
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Unsure but intrigued, which is what I knew she would be. I know her better than she knows herself sometimes.
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How long have you been doing it?
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Off and on for almost 5 years.
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Any problems or pitfalls?
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I'm sure you are talking about relationship problems and no problems there. The only problems are finding couples you are attracted to and interested in. It’s a lot like dating only instead of 2 people having to like each other, its four, which is a lot harder to work out.
This is the part thats hard to describe. We had a great relationship prior to swinging, 100% solid, no short comings, no cheating, nothing of the sort. It took our relationship to a whole new level for a couple of reasons. First you must have good communication, and due to the subject matter involved you really have to have almost perfect communication for it to work out without problems.
Secondly it took our relationship to a whole new level. I honestly pity most married people as it seems they can't have as perfect a marriage as we have now. Imagine where you have almost no jealousy and no worries about cheating? I hear and see so many couples who are having problems and ignoring them and I know those problems will never be ours. Again its not so much the swinging that does this but the level of communication and trust it brings.
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What kind of ground rules do you have?
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No real rules, but we always get veto power. If one of us isn't comfortable we don't do it, no matter what.
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How do you deal with the possibility of STDs?
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We are very selective in who we play with, what kind of people they are, and what kind of people they hang out with. Many swingers are less selective but thats not our style. This of course does not eliminate the possibility of an STD and it is worry some to some extent. Condoms are used but they won’t stop HPV and the like. It’s a risk and I think a minor one in our case but still a risk.
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And any other pertinent info.
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Yes, take your TIME. Be sure you want to do it, and be sure your relationship is at 100% strength. It can make a strong relationship incredible but will destroy a struggling one, utterly.
Also once you decide to do it, again TAKE YOUR TIME. Most newbies make the mistake of jumping into situations they are not comfortable with out of a desperate desire to try it. We took a full year to find our first really compatible couple and 5 year later they are still great friends of ours. On the other hand a lot of swingers are not looking for friendship, just sex, so decide what you want but never do something you feel uncomfortable with or take one for the team (your husband likes her and you don’t like him).
While we have met swingers from age 21 on, most tend to be older. I think a lot of people take longer to get ‘comfortable’ enough with the idea.
On last note, an odd problem with swinging is that it makes your ‘vanilla’ friends seem down right boring. What was once a great party will seem like a yawn fest. Most swinger parties we have gone to we have not played at (playing is a swinger ‘term’ for having sex with another couple) but the atmosphere is much more relaxed and fun, quite hard to describe the difference.