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raeanna74 · 12-19-2005, 10:04 AM

How did you first get into it?
Dei37 (hubby) and I got into swinging about a year after he had a serious head injury. We had multiple reasons for getting into but one of them was a direct result of his injury. He nearly died so for him he was living on borrowed time and wanted to make the most of THIS life while he could. For me I was just glad to till have him and wanted to make him happy and enjoy everything we could together. I think it was mostly an attitude of having already lived our married life together and this was something extra and we wanted to enjoy it to it's fullest.

How did the SO respond initially?
Dei37 was the one that brought up the subject first. I was adamantly against it. We had both been raised in extremely strict religious housholds and I felt that the subject was taboo. After catching him looking at porn and not feeling strongly about that (I had sneaked it myself in earlier years) we began to discuss sexual subjects more. Even with that openness it too me almost a year of discussion and learning what I could about the lifestyle before I was comfortable enough to try it.
When we finally tried it we met another local couple with the expectation that we would only discuss things, get to know them and then if I (since I was the most afraid of the 4 of us) was ok with it we could go farther and kiss or actually play. When we met we did talk a lot. They answered a lot of my questions and we DID end up playing. Hubby and I BOTH loved it and from then on we've enjoyed it with only one big bump in the road.

How long have you been doing it?
For nearly 4 years. I think it will be 4 years this spring. If I remember right it was sometime around my Birthday that we tried it the first time.

Any problems or pitfalls?
*Swinging will not fix a bad relationship. There are always exceptions to this rule but for the most part it is a consistant rule. Never expect it to fix the relationship.
*Respect is VERY important. If you cannot respect your partners feelings of discomfort about any particular situation then you are headed for big trouble.
*Communication is crucial. If you cannot TALK about your feelings about different situations then your partner cannot ease any anxieties that you have. Also you need to be sure of your love for each other or there is bound to be some jealousy.
*No means No. If you go to any parties and even when meeting another couple you must respect this rule. Most clubs have this as one of the most important rules. If you cannot respect your partner or others and listen when they say no about anything you are doing then you will not succeed in the lifestyle.

What are the benefits?
*I have become more comfortable in my skin, being naked.
*I have learned that there are a LOT more body types out there than we ever really see and Mine is not really ugly but rather unique.
*Hubby and I have learned sexual tricks and fun things that we can do at home in bed. Things we would not have really learned in the Kama Sutra. Some things you just have to try to know how they'll work.
*Hubby and I have learned to trust each other more.
*We have learned to communicate more. Men don't enjoy TALKING about their feelings as much as women do in general. BUT when communicating their feelings means they get to have more sex or sex with more women they (or at least hubby and a few other swinger women have told me their hubby's are the same) tend to be more vocal about their feelings. BIG plus in our relationship.
*Variety is the spice of life. We had already tried a LOT of things sexually but being able to swing with other people keeps our sex with each other more interesting. It's not the same Sex every time we have it. It makes, keeping sex fun, a much easier thing to do.

What kind of ground rules do you have?
*No sex with anyone without prior approval from our partner.
*No sex with anyone who is hiding it with their SO.
*If one of us needs to stop and go home - We STOP and go home. We haven't really had this problem arise but if you don't have it then someone can end up feeling uncomfortable, disrespected, or downright unloved.
*Some couples have the rules...1. Sex ONLY in the same room -partly this is because some couples swap partners for the voyouristic aspect of watching their partner. 2. No kissing - Some couples feel like they should save some part of the sexual experience for their SO only. This is a common rule. Not a rule we go by personally.

How do you deal with the possibility of STDs?
You cannot completely get away from this possibility. BUT we personally get tested for the range of diseases every 6 mo or so. We have been pretty lucky. If we ever got anything we would stop swinging until we'd finished treatment or permanently depending on what we'd caught. The prevelance of HIV in Wisconsin in general let alone in the swinger population in Wisconsin is fairly low. I don't know the exact numbers but I found the general infected population number for Wisconsin on the CDC's website recently. As for other diseases - Herpes is the only other STD that is incurable. Some couples use condoms on a regular basis and this is how we started out. Both of us are allergic to Latex and the other types are quite expensive. We also don't enjoy the hassle of it. We know a number of couples who willingly share their medical status with us. We also know one swinger couple that got a minor STD and contacted us ASAP to inform us. They are clear of it now but do not swing anymore. This is something you will have to decide on your own. IF I were planning to have anymore children I would be more concerned. If I were trying to get pregnant or already pregnant I would not swing because many STD's can cause problems or even be fatal to infants at birth, even when birthed by C-section.
*Some people require condoms some do not. Because of our sensitivity to Latex we make sure we have with us some poly type any time that we meet people.

What are upsides and downsides of swinging or having open relationships?
It is a large part of my life that I cannot share with my family. My parents are extemely religious and my mother would be nearly vicious if she knew what we were doing. My brother is aware of what we do and completely ok with it but he has considered the possibility with his wife. Their relationship is not what is should be and probably never will be strong enough to handle a swinging relationship.
If you do not have an open minded Dr, which we do now, you could end up with the type of situation I had when I had a Dr who strongly disapproved of swinging. She actually had the guts to lecture me against swinging for quite a few minutes. Then of course there's the possibility of STD's

Also, if the spouse knows of the relationship and is ok with it...is it cheating?
Dei37 and I don't believe that it is cheating as long as your partner is aware and approving of you having sex with anyone else. Cheating, in our mind, is something that is disrespectful, and hidden from your partner. Most swingers will not have a 3some or singly meet a person who is in an active relationship with someone else if their partner is not approving. We have met single men who want to have a 3some or meet with me alone but unless hubby and I speak to their partner and are told directly that it is ok to meet the man and play then we will adamantly refuse.

12-19-2005, 10:04 AM	#6 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	How did you first get into it? Dei37 (hubby) and I got into swinging about a year after he had a serious head injury. We had multiple reasons for getting into but one of them was a direct result of his injury. He nearly died so for him he was living on borrowed time and wanted to make the most of THIS life while he could. For me I was just glad to till have him and wanted to make him happy and enjoy everything we could together. I think it was mostly an attitude of having already lived our married life together and this was something extra and we wanted to enjoy it to it's fullest. How did the SO respond initially? Dei37 was the one that brought up the subject first. I was adamantly against it. We had both been raised in extremely strict religious housholds and I felt that the subject was taboo. After catching him looking at porn and not feeling strongly about that (I had sneaked it myself in earlier years) we began to discuss sexual subjects more. Even with that openness it too me almost a year of discussion and learning what I could about the lifestyle before I was comfortable enough to try it. When we finally tried it we met another local couple with the expectation that we would only discuss things, get to know them and then if I (since I was the most afraid of the 4 of us) was ok with it we could go farther and kiss or actually play. When we met we did talk a lot. They answered a lot of my questions and we DID end up playing. Hubby and I BOTH loved it and from then on we've enjoyed it with only one big bump in the road. How long have you been doing it? For nearly 4 years. I think it will be 4 years this spring. If I remember right it was sometime around my Birthday that we tried it the first time. Any problems or pitfalls? Swinging will not fix a bad relationship. There are always exceptions to this rule but for the most part it is a consistant rule. Never expect it to fix the relationship. Respect is VERY important. If you cannot respect your partners feelings of discomfort about any particular situation then you are headed for big trouble. Communication is crucial. If you cannot TALK about your feelings about different situations then your partner cannot ease any anxieties that you have. Also you need to be sure of your love for each other or there is bound to be some jealousy. No means No. If you go to any parties and even when meeting another couple you must respect this rule. Most clubs have this as one of the most important rules. If you cannot respect your partner or others and listen when they say no about anything you are doing then you will not succeed in the lifestyle. What are the benefits? I have become more comfortable in my skin, being naked. I have learned that there are a LOT more body types out there than we ever really see and Mine is not really ugly but rather unique. Hubby and I have learned sexual tricks and fun things that we can do at home in bed. Things we would not have really learned in the Kama Sutra. Some things you just have to try to know how they'll work. Hubby and I have learned to trust each other more. We have learned to communicate more. Men don't enjoy TALKING about their feelings as much as women do in general. BUT when communicating their feelings means they get to have more sex or sex with more women they (or at least hubby and a few other swinger women have told me their hubby's are the same) tend to be more vocal about their feelings. BIG plus in our relationship. Variety is the spice of life. We had already tried a LOT of things sexually but being able to swing with other people keeps our sex with each other more interesting. It's not the same Sex every time we have it. It makes, keeping sex fun, a much easier thing to do. What kind of ground rules do you have? No sex with anyone without prior approval from our partner. No sex with anyone who is hiding it with their SO. If one of us needs to stop and go home - We STOP and go home. We haven't really had this problem arise but if you don't have it then someone can end up feeling uncomfortable, disrespected, or downright unloved. Some couples have the rules...1. Sex ONLY in the same room -partly this is because some couples swap partners for the voyouristic aspect of watching their partner. 2. No kissing - Some couples feel like they should save some part of the sexual experience for their SO only. This is a common rule. Not a rule we go by personally. How do you deal with the possibility of STDs? You cannot completely get away from this possibility. BUT we personally get tested for the range of diseases every 6 mo or so. We have been pretty lucky. If we ever got anything we would stop swinging until we'd finished treatment or permanently depending on what we'd caught. The prevelance of HIV in Wisconsin in general let alone in the swinger population in Wisconsin is fairly low. I don't know the exact numbers but I found the general infected population number for Wisconsin on the CDC's website recently. As for other diseases - Herpes is the only other STD that is incurable. Some couples use condoms on a regular basis and this is how we started out. Both of us are allergic to Latex and the other types are quite expensive. We also don't enjoy the hassle of it. We know a number of couples who willingly share their medical status with us. We also know one swinger couple that got a minor STD and contacted us ASAP to inform us. They are clear of it now but do not swing anymore. This is something you will have to decide on your own. IF I were planning to have anymore children I would be more concerned. If I were trying to get pregnant or already pregnant I would not swing because many STD's can cause problems or even be fatal to infants at birth, even when birthed by C-section. *Some people require condoms some do not. Because of our sensitivity to Latex we make sure we have with us some poly type any time that we meet people. What are upsides and downsides of swinging or having open relationships? It is a large part of my life that I cannot share with my family. My parents are extemely religious and my mother would be nearly vicious if she knew what we were doing. My brother is aware of what we do and completely ok with it but he has considered the possibility with his wife. Their relationship is not what is should be and probably never will be strong enough to handle a swinging relationship. If you do not have an open minded Dr, which we do now, you could end up with the type of situation I had when I had a Dr who strongly disapproved of swinging. She actually had the guts to lecture me against swinging for quite a few minutes. Then of course there's the possibility of STD's Also, if the spouse knows of the relationship and is ok with it...is it cheating? Dei37 and I don't believe that it is cheating as long as your partner is aware and approving of you having sex with anyone else. Cheating, in our mind, is something that is disrespectful, and hidden from your partner. Most swingers will not have a 3some or singly meet a person who is in an active relationship with someone else if their partner is not approving. We have met single men who want to have a 3some or meet with me alone but unless hubby and I speak to their partner and are told directly that it is ok to meet the man and play then we will adamantly refuse. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.