It's no secret that my sister and I are estranged from my parents over issues related to our sexuality. The Thanksgiving to Christmas time is always hard on me because that was always a big family time for us.
Awhile back, Grace told me that she had a special Christmas surprise for me. I found out what it is tonight, sorta by accident. My brother Boris called and left information about his flight schedule. He's coming here for Christmas, to spend time with me and Sissy. Yay! I called him back and told him I knew what was going on and got him to spill the beans. Hee hee, I'm such a stinker. I was concerned that maybe our parents would be upset with him for not coming home. He said, "Fuck 'em. They got Thanksgiving. You get Christmas."
I get to have my little brother, who literally is twice my size, here for four days
. He has to go back quickly because there's some kind of important game January 4th and he has to be there for practices and meetings and so forth.
So that's something wonderful, having a little bit more of my family celebration here.
I started thinking about stealing Christmas from my parents. I thought, I get Boris with me this year. My other brothers and sisters are still school-aged, but I developed this fantasy of one by one enticing them to my Christmas celebration each year. My youngest sister is currently seven, in second grade, so it'll be another eleven years before she's going to college.
I don't want to split the family over this, and I know, despite what he says, he's going to get some flack over this. As will anyone else who chooses me over my parents. But I still get a great deal of satisfaction at knowing that I get to have my little brother with me, and they don't. That it's going to hurt them a little bit. And that, at the same time makes me feel a little guilty for hurting their Christmas celebration, which might make Christmas a little less pleasant for the five (two sisters and three brothers) who are all still at home.
And there's the separate issue of Boris and Sissy. It's wonderful that he's going to be coming here. However, when we were still living at our old place, the one time Boris came to visit was the first time he'd seen Sissy as a girl, and it made him visibly uncomfortable. He was nice and polite, but seeing the brother he was closest to growing up, both in age and in emotional connection, seeing that person as his sister is something that obviously he's still having difficulties with.
Is it wrong to enjoy, not just having him here, but enjoying the idea that it's going to hurt my parents?
Should I try to encourage Boris to try to get to know Sissy? If he did, he'd see what a delightful person she is, happier and calmer and more centered and peaceful, and at the same time having essentially the same core personality she had before. Or maybe his coming here is a sign that he's coming to accept it more.
Heh. I enjoyed it for about five minutes before starting to analyze it to death and putting myself on an emotional roller coaster.
Gilda