I think the one last bit needs to be cleared up.
You say it's wrong to get angry. I dissagre. Anger can be a powerful tool when it comes to dealing with these situations. It helps to break the habitual bond between two people.
Yet I can see what you are saying Seeker. You are saying that the "blindly" painting the offending party as in the wrong and "evil" keeps us from learning lessons. Opportunities for self evaluation are lost.
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My take is that if someone knows the social code, and knows that 'cheating' is wrong and does it anyway, how are they fully right in their picnic basket?
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For starters they are conforming to a fictional concept. Not everyone can handle that. On top of this, life is compilicated, there are reasons people might wish to stay in a realationship while pursuing romantic endeavours. Some couples even do this openly.
Finally,
Many women, are attracted to one type of male and wish to live with another. The smart one's stay with their boy toy while keeping their love affairs secret. The dumb ones dump the thier boy in hope of reforming the guy they fell for. That's selfish, but some people are like that.
In general, a bad realationship is better then no relationship at all. So you see people staying in a relationship while scouting for something better. It's a logical yet underhanded way to do things.
Are all examples of what could be.