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Ustwo · 12-14-2005, 07:55 AM

This would be a hard subject for me to relate to since I’ve never cheated or been cheated on. I don’t claim any moral superiority in this, it just never became an issue in past relationships and would never be an issue in my marriage (and this is not me being naïve).

What I can say is in the past, when cheating may have tempted me, the reason for the desire to cheat was pure lust. It wasn’t due to something lacking in the current relationship, just a desire for sex with someone else.

I have a hard time seeing cheating as a sort of disease, as you seem to be saying. While the desire for sex may be instinctive the control of it is very voluntary. While you are perhaps correct in saying ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ isn’t true, I think being a cheater shows something of your character and self control. I’d say once a cheater, the more likely you are to cheat again would be accurate.

Now lets take this to a relationship and I understand your logic behind staying with a cheater or at least not hating them. As most people on this board are not married yet, my advice would be once he/she cheats you should leave them. Life is too short, there are too many people out there, and its not worth investing ones time and emotions on the dating equivalent of an inside straight. After you are married and have a lot of time/emotions/kids in the marriage I can see trying to work it out, but even then I think the relationship has been permanently wounded at its foundation, because it removes the trust in the relationship.

Perhaps kicking the cheater to the curb is selfish, but all acts are selfish. People do things because they give the most pleasure or the least pain. When I go to work I do so because it gives me less pain than not going to work and dealing with the fall out. When I decide to waste a night playing video games I do so because it gives me more pleasure than any other available actives, with the least effort. This concept goes beyond sexuality obviously but apply here as well. If you don’t kick a cheater to the curb its because it gives you the least amount of pain, your personality is such that you would feel bad for abandoning them which is worse then the pain of being cheated on. Even if in the long run its worse because they give you more pain, you still don’t have the will to say enough is enough. This is why I think for many, not breaking it off with a cheater is more of a weakness than a strength. Its your desire to continue the love which overcomes the pain they give you. It reminds me a bit of the battered wife, who makes excuses for her husband and her injuries. Cheating is basically emotional battery, no matter what the reason it was done for.

12-14-2005, 07:55 AM	#9 (permalink)
Ustwo Pissing in the cornflakes	This would be a hard subject for me to relate to since I’ve never cheated or been cheated on. I don’t claim any moral superiority in this, it just never became an issue in past relationships and would never be an issue in my marriage (and this is not me being naïve). What I can say is in the past, when cheating may have tempted me, the reason for the desire to cheat was pure lust. It wasn’t due to something lacking in the current relationship, just a desire for sex with someone else. I have a hard time seeing cheating as a sort of disease, as you seem to be saying. While the desire for sex may be instinctive the control of it is very voluntary. While you are perhaps correct in saying ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ isn’t true, I think being a cheater shows something of your character and self control. I’d say once a cheater, the more likely you are to cheat again would be accurate. Now lets take this to a relationship and I understand your logic behind staying with a cheater or at least not hating them. As most people on this board are not married yet, my advice would be once he/she cheats you should leave them. Life is too short, there are too many people out there, and its not worth investing ones time and emotions on the dating equivalent of an inside straight. After you are married and have a lot of time/emotions/kids in the marriage I can see trying to work it out, but even then I think the relationship has been permanently wounded at its foundation, because it removes the trust in the relationship. Perhaps kicking the cheater to the curb is selfish, but all acts are selfish. People do things because they give the most pleasure or the least pain. When I go to work I do so because it gives me less pain than not going to work and dealing with the fall out. When I decide to waste a night playing video games I do so because it gives me more pleasure than any other available actives, with the least effort. This concept goes beyond sexuality obviously but apply here as well. If you don’t kick a cheater to the curb its because it gives you the least amount of pain, your personality is such that you would feel bad for abandoning them which is worse then the pain of being cheated on. Even if in the long run its worse because they give you more pain, you still don’t have the will to say enough is enough. This is why I think for many, not breaking it off with a cheater is more of a weakness than a strength. Its your desire to continue the love which overcomes the pain they give you. It reminds me a bit of the battered wife, who makes excuses for her husband and her injuries. Cheating is basically emotional battery, no matter what the reason it was done for. __________________ Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.