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I have always been terrible at dealing with loss, especially sudden deaths. Maybe it comes from the fact that my father died in a commercial fishing accident a month before I was born, and that single event threw my mother's and my soon-to-begin life into a tailspin. It resulted in enormous amounts of pain and loss for his own mother, father, and siblings. It took me years to understand the scale of that single accident, and how much emotional havoc it wreaked on every single person in my life.
I thought there was a meaning for it. My mom wanted me to believe that at the time, that his death had a redeeming value behind it. But maybe the greatest salve, the greatest mercy, is that there was no reason. It just happened.
I wish my heart didn't break so easily, that I could deal better with losing people and know how to counsel others when they lose someone. But it just hurts too much sometimes. There is little you can do to cushion your son's pain and confusion over this. He will remember it in his own way; all you can do is hug him and remind him of your presence and love. And be honest with him about your own sense of loss.
...Perhaps another mercy is that life *does* go on, that people find a reason to be semi-normal again, even when we don't want to be that way. Your son will find a way to move on and be normal again, even if he might feel some guilt at the beginning. Try and encourage him to give space for both grieving and normalcy if you can.
And give yourself that space, too.
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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran
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