Rodney

I'm not going to go along with the others and say, "Well, you're in his house, you owe him." No. If you don't want to be with them, hanging out with them is an exercise in futility. And it doesn't matter if you're paying your way, or not paying your way. Owing somebody money does not morally require emotional dishonesty. Some people may see it that way, but I don't.

Dad may have the illusion that seeing more of you will make you all one big happy family. Believe me, that's an illusion I pandered to for year, and it doesn't work. It just means that you give in to their fantasies and sit there bored out of your mind.

That said: you probably owe him help with chores he asks your help on. This is just family; and whether you identify with them or not, you do help family (you just don't pretend you like them). Did he spring the request to help his friend move on you at the last second? Then there's some excuse to turn him down. But I would say you should go tell them that you're willing to help out with projects _if_ he gives you two or three days' notice. Make sure he understands that you turned him down because the timing was off, not because you don't think you owe him _anything._ And he needs to make allowances for your schedule.

As far as spending more time with the family is concerned, it wouldn't hurt to be a little political. When they're watching something on TV that you want to watch, go watch with them. Make a _little_ effort. And do spend some time with them on Xmas. Find out in advance what your schedule is going to be, and tell them. Then they can plan around it.

I think if you and your family open lines of communication so that you can all plan when to do things together in advance, even if only once a week, things will calm down.