feelgood

Ok, here's the background:

In my opinion, I think my life is pretty good. I get up around 9am everyday during the week and head to school. I usually get out around 3, sometimes 4 in the afternoon. Grab dinner before heading to work at 5, sometimes earlier and finish around 10 or 11. Saturdays and Sundays are normally slow for me. I do something spontaneously like catch a movie in the theaters and play poker game with my boys on Saturday night and work on Sunday morning starting 1am until 5am and sleep off the rest of the day. I usually hit the bunk around 2 or 3 in the morning (Except Sundays of course and yes I do realize is way pass 3 now ) Everytime I'm home, I'm always in my room in the basement doing something on the computer or watching TV in the common room in the basement alone.

Now, here's the deal: My Dad thinks that's stupid. If you have noticed by now, I don't spend time with the family, not even dinner with the family on Saturday or Sunday night. I don't see anything wrong with that, I'm not a family guy but apparently my Dad has an issue with that. He thinks that I don't spend enough time with the family. The last time I did something with them must've been my Bday which was back in early November. Clearly my relatives have done things together since then whether it'll be watching TV, having dinner together, bowling, etc. He's not too keen on the fact that I turned down a offer to go with the family for cruise vacation, even if he paid for the airline tix and other expense (I got school and work ya know?)

To add to that, he wasn't too happy about the fact that I had to turn down a request from one of his friend to help him move into his new place on Sunday morning because obviously, I had just gotten home around 6 am and haven't gotten my beauty sleep in almost 24 hours. I wouldn't mind helping his friend out but lord knows if I can handle another 12 hours of wake time doing physical labour. I might be 22 but how many 22 years old do you know that works at 1am in the morning on weekends instead of partying with friends and getting tanked?

Does anybody think that its wrong to have that kind of life style? I don't but my Dad on the other hand, does. I think he brought this up thinking that he's not gonna be able to get any of my time during Xmas, especially after telling him that I have to work on Xmas eve.

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Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

Nisses

What you do with your time, is your business.

IF you're living on your own and paying your own way. If you're at home, and being provided for, then I think it's only logical he asks for some of your time, be it to do chores, be it to help out with stuff like moving.

However, did he ask for this when you got back? Or a few days in advance so you had time to calculate it in a bit?

At 22, I think he could at least keep that in mind a bit too.

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Moderation should be moderately moderated.

maleficent

i'm not a family person by any stretch... i also moved out of the house at 17 and never went back to keep it that way.

If you are living under your father's roof, and he's paying for your meals, and that roof over your head, then I think you have some obligation to spend some time with him if that's what he wants. If you want to act as a boarder, and come and go as you please and have no contact with your landlord, then pay your own way...

I think it's admirable that you are working and going to school, and working is takning precedent over going out and getting drunk with your friends but an hour or so a week with the guy who's supporting you really won't kill you...

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Toaster126

I don't think "changing your lifestyle" is important, but if you value your family, treat them as such. Spend some time with them occasionally. Let them know you love them. No one likes getting ignored by someone they love... it's one of the worst feelings ever.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

superiorrain

I have to agree, spend a little time with them if you have it to spare, one day they won't be around and then you may realise what you missed out on. Don't take your parents for granted. That sais you got to lead your own life.

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"The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible." - Arthur C. Clarke

Mantus

If you don't feel comfortable about breaking your habit of eating allone, I would recomend doing other things with them. Have a conversation once or twice a week and everynow and then do something together like go shopping.

It will keep you closer.

Cimarron29414

While you post leaves a lot out (Are you supporting yourself? Do you pay rent? Are you paying your way through school? Is this the only job you can get? Did you ever have a close relationship with your father? etc), I will simply agree with others' posts. You need to spend time with your parents - each one of them is 50% of you. You are undeniably linked and to know them is to know yourself. You computer is a soulless object that doesn't care if you neglect it for a day or a week. So, based on the limited information that I have, I would say, "Turn of the TV, go upstairs, and play poker with your dad."

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

Rodney

I'm not going to go along with the others and say, "Well, you're in his house, you owe him." No. If you don't want to be with them, hanging out with them is an exercise in futility. And it doesn't matter if you're paying your way, or not paying your way. Owing somebody money does not morally require emotional dishonesty. Some people may see it that way, but I don't.

Dad may have the illusion that seeing more of you will make you all one big happy family. Believe me, that's an illusion I pandered to for year, and it doesn't work. It just means that you give in to their fantasies and sit there bored out of your mind.

That said: you probably owe him help with chores he asks your help on. This is just family; and whether you identify with them or not, you do help family (you just don't pretend you like them). Did he spring the request to help his friend move on you at the last second? Then there's some excuse to turn him down. But I would say you should go tell them that you're willing to help out with projects _if_ he gives you two or three days' notice. Make sure he understands that you turned him down because the timing was off, not because you don't think you owe him _anything._ And he needs to make allowances for your schedule.

As far as spending more time with the family is concerned, it wouldn't hurt to be a little political. When they're watching something on TV that you want to watch, go watch with them. Make a _little_ effort. And do spend some time with them on Xmas. Find out in advance what your schedule is going to be, and tell them. Then they can plan around it.

I think if you and your family open lines of communication so that you can all plan when to do things together in advance, even if only once a week, things will calm down.

Cynthetiq

I can't add more to that except the 10 characters to make this post...

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Ustwo

Part of growing up is doing things which are not your number one choice of activity to help build relationships with others. This includes your family.

There have been times where someone asks me out to get a beer or my family wanted me with them when I really didn't want to go and in the past I would not have. Now I can see the mistake there. I used to be in a situation VERY much like yours and it annoyed my parents, now I see they had a point.

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thingstodo

The social espects of life are very important. Also, family can be there for you in thick or thin. Sometimes it is wise to do a few things you don't really want to do because you end up finding that it was really good. It's also good to give of yourself a little. And finally, exercise a little - take care of your body and develop some of these habits now rather than later. Along with the habit of appreciating family! ;-)

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If you're wringing your hands you can't roll up your shirt sleeves.

Stangers have the best candy.

rlynnm

'Spending time' should never be an obligation. And if you're seeing it as such, would the recipient of such quality time put as much value to it?

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The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.

Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.

Rodney

Better said than I said it, in many fewer words.

Cynthetiq

It shouldn't, but unfortunately the golden rule is, He who has the gold makes the rules...

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Rodney

When "family" becomes a business transaction, it's all lost anyway.

rlynnm

...Sooo who here is up for some quick propaganda against all that sparkles? lol

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The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.

Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.

rlynnm

It's funny, and a bit sad to think that the relationships that have pretty much shaped much of how we see things, and who we are, can, at some point take a downward spiral into resentment.....

Sometimes, when you grow up, you realize that things weren't exactly the way they painted..that their truths weren't absolute..

Did I go off into lala land again..I might've.

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The hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, especially if that means completely redefining the world you've come to know.

Don't look too hard, I'm right in front of you.