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thank you so much for your response and support everyone. you have no idea how much it means to me in a time of such confusion and emotional turmoil. i'm so grateful there's such a supportive community i can bring this to.
i generally hate to bring such angst to the public light, as i know there are horror stories worst than mine and sometimes it simply feels like i'm crying over spilt milk when someone is truly going through a nightmare.
hrandani, that last line hit a note. i mean, it's weird. i tell myself the same thing and know it's true .. but it doesn't seem to help much. cliche eh? what the mind knows and the heart feels are very different ..
genuinegirly, you have my deepest sympathies and i really appreciate you sharing- regardless of advice or not i'm glad you were able to share your story.
shanifaye, thank you, i hear myself saying those words but it does so much good to hear it from another person.
Mantus - She freaked out on your to give herself a "justification" for their breach of social contract.
That's probably true. She has a much too high opinion of herself to admit she'd do something wrong, it's infinitely easier for her to blame someone else.
I don't really understand why she leaked your corespondence with her out to the public. Is that an attempt to embaras you or something?
public embarassment is probably the case, since she opened it up to her girl friend as well. having her now-bf play blocker was another reason i thought. she won't speak to me directly - her "white knight" speaks for her. i can't believe after all we shared suddenly she wouldn't even come to me directly about it, she has to hide behind her wall of peers.
always and I mean ALWAYS judge people by what they do rather then what they say
it's funny you mentioned this. i always believed this myself, i hated SAYING i cared about her- i would always rather demonstrate it. which i truly believe i did. it always seemed so hollow if i said something without support. saying "thank you" never seemed to mean much, but a quick kiss to follow demonstrated in my mind, that i did appreciate it. i guess she took my lack of words to mean i wasn't geniune.
there's nothing stronger i can offer than my word .. if i say something i uphold it to the very end. i guess it's been my mistake in thinking that others are the same way. you're right though, i should stop listening and start watching more. only i'm so horrible at reading people i just hope i don't mess that up either. it'd probably hurt less than being told one thing and having the opposite be the truth though. sucks to be deceived.
Ever - And *don't* get into the role of trying to fix/help her either as many kind people like yourself might tempted to be.
it's so funny you mention that, i could totally see myself being such a sucker and trying if she asked. your story of your friend does give some hope though. it does feel like blind faith now, though, as i've no support and i just *hope* that's true, that i will grow because of this.
it bugged me how she rambled off all these things that made her hate me so much in her last message to me, but she had NEVER brought up with me before. it sounds like she's just trying to justify her actions, but i couldn't believe some of the claims. she stated it so ferverently that i wonder sometimes if she had grounds for such accusations. stuff like her having to drive me around when i visited (from/to airport, around town if we went out, etc. ) since i obviously didn't have a car, her paying for certain meals. even paying for her own hotel when she came to visit me.
if they were such huge issues, i would think she'd have talked to me about it before. it's not like i would have had a problem renting a car if she was so fluttered about a lack of transportation. i must have paid for our first several meals, never asking her to pay. she pays for one meal and apparently broods about it silently for months. we had an extra guest room i offered her, but she refused decided to get a hotel across the street from my house. am i responsible for aspect of our hanging out, just to prove i'm "the man"? i paid for almost all our meals together, it's not my fault for visiting her city and not having a car- though again i could have even taken care of this myself if i'd known it was an issue. i paid for my own travel and lodging costs when i was there, and tried adamently to save her money whenever she came up here. it bugs me to think of what she said though. "thanks for allowing me to be the man and paying for everything- pizza, planet tickets, hotel rooms, etc." was this just a shallow attempt at calling me a pussy or what?
i know it shouldn't bug me so much, but maybe it's just my personality type. i've always been well liked, and if i ever had a character problem it would be "you're way too nice" as everyone says. i'm just not used to being so absolutely bitched out i guess, or anyone expressing such hate that i can't but help but think i must have done SOMETHING to provoke it.. i just can't believe i tried so hard only to fail so miserably.
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