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tres · 12-02-2005, 04:33 AM

My SO and I were recently helping out some friends of ours in their recent breakup and we both had some different advice. We are a little curious as to everyone else’s feelings on this topic.

Basically, girl leaves the guy for another man, after 5 year relationship. The guy started to get lazy with the relationship and started taking things for granted. (As most of us men tend to do at times). She decides to leave and date a man from her job. (Yes, we all know that was a mistake).

So my girl and I we consoling our guy friend, and her advise to him was to fight for her, ie: send her flowers, invite her over, have chocolate covered strawberries, apologies. Call her, try and fix things, and do whatever it takes to get her back. It got to the point where my girl was just a little too involved, to the point where she is mediating and the girl won't even talk to her ex directly.
My advise, was definitely fight for her... Write her a letter with all your feelings, and how you plan on changing yourself. Send her flowers... or some other gesture that she enjoys. try to get together with her and talk it out. Other than that, in my opinion continuing to call her, and send her gifts, and having friends go to her...is... most likely a little more than she wants, and could even push her away more. I believe there comes a point where it is too much and might even qualify as harassment. I'll also add that the first 2 weeks this guy was a complete mess over this breakup... its all he could think about... and basically.. he truly loved her. At some point my girl spoke with the EX and she was willing to give it another shot. She spoke with the new bf and explained that she just could not let 5 years go, and has to give it another chance. Looks good for my friend right? Well by the end of the day... she's back with the new guy..cause he fought for her.. and apparently is very convincing... So after work my girl and I were gonna go over his house and be with him... but to our superise.. he's out with a friend, and seems to be completely cool with everything, not a bit broken up. Me, as a guy can understand this.. There is a point where you just have to pull the proverbial rib cord, and get over it cause..she is not coming back and we must move on, we fought the fight, and lost. My girl however thinks that he didn’t fight enough, and is mad that he's just totally letting it go. This situation got her thinking, and now she thinks that I wouldn’t fight that hard for her if we were in that situation. I feel that if she left me for someone else, then that’s what she wanted, and if she's happy, its unfortunate for me... but she's happy. I'll put up a fight to a point, but the reality is that there must be some underlying reason why she felt the need to be with someone else, and no matter what I say, she has betrayed our relationship, and if she decides to come back in the near future because she realizes what she had, then that’s great. but... a man can only wait around for so long.. before he has to move on with his feelings simply for his mental sanity... I dunno... what do you all think about this situation.... sorry about the length...

12-02-2005, 04:33 AM	#1 (permalink)
tres Insane Location: Long Island, NY	How Long do you fight for her? My SO and I were recently helping out some friends of ours in their recent breakup and we both had some different advice. We are a little curious as to everyone else’s feelings on this topic. Basically, girl leaves the guy for another man, after 5 year relationship. The guy started to get lazy with the relationship and started taking things for granted. (As most of us men tend to do at times). She decides to leave and date a man from her job. (Yes, we all know that was a mistake). So my girl and I we consoling our guy friend, and her advise to him was to fight for her, ie: send her flowers, invite her over, have chocolate covered strawberries, apologies. Call her, try and fix things, and do whatever it takes to get her back. It got to the point where my girl was just a little too involved, to the point where she is mediating and the girl won't even talk to her ex directly. My advise, was definitely fight for her... Write her a letter with all your feelings, and how you plan on changing yourself. Send her flowers... or some other gesture that she enjoys. try to get together with her and talk it out. Other than that, in my opinion continuing to call her, and send her gifts, and having friends go to her...is... most likely a little more than she wants, and could even push her away more. I believe there comes a point where it is too much and might even qualify as harassment. I'll also add that the first 2 weeks this guy was a complete mess over this breakup... its all he could think about... and basically.. he truly loved her. At some point my girl spoke with the EX and she was willing to give it another shot. She spoke with the new bf and explained that she just could not let 5 years go, and has to give it another chance. Looks good for my friend right? Well by the end of the day... she's back with the new guy..cause he fought for her.. and apparently is very convincing... So after work my girl and I were gonna go over his house and be with him... but to our superise.. he's out with a friend, and seems to be completely cool with everything, not a bit broken up. Me, as a guy can understand this.. There is a point where you just have to pull the proverbial rib cord, and get over it cause..she is not coming back and we must move on, we fought the fight, and lost. My girl however thinks that he didn’t fight enough, and is mad that he's just totally letting it go. This situation got her thinking, and now she thinks that I wouldn’t fight that hard for her if we were in that situation. I feel that if she left me for someone else, then that’s what she wanted, and if she's happy, its unfortunate for me... but she's happy. I'll put up a fight to a point, but the reality is that there must be some underlying reason why she felt the need to be with someone else, and no matter what I say, she has betrayed our relationship, and if she decides to come back in the near future because she realizes what she had, then that’s great. but... a man can only wait around for so long.. before he has to move on with his feelings simply for his mental sanity... I dunno... what do you all think about this situation.... sorry about the length... __________________ "Its better to be hated for who you are, then loved for what your not" --Van Zant "Tell me and I forget. Show me and I remember. Involve me and I learn."