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Eowyn_Vala · 11-22-2005, 07:30 PM

I have been in a similar situation. The difference was that the friend and I used to be friends as well. In my situation I was uncomfortable and jealous (I still am a bit) due to the fact my husband was still friends with her. Most of that stemmed from how she treated me and how things ended there. The other part of that is due to the fact that she always used my husband (boyfriend at the time we were all in college) as her fall-back when she need male attention. She was never content to have only one guys attention and it always seemed to me like she wanted more than just friendship with my husband. This makes me uncomfortable when I know she is going to be around him.

I trust him and know nothing would ever happen. Because of this I deal with the feelings of jealousy towards her. I won't ask him to not be friends with her just to appease me. It's crossed my mind a few times especially right before we got married. My husband has also listened to me and we have discussed both of our feelings on the issue. We were able to compromise. Like little_tippler said, relationships are all about compromise. I hope you finally come to a decision.

To me is seems like you need to decide if his friendship with "Beth" is something you might eventually come to deal with or not. If you won't ever be able to deal with this friendship, and if he can't compromise either to try to make you a bit more comfortable, then maybe you should move on to someone who can be with you. I'm not saying he has to give up his friendship but I do think he should be making more of an effort to work things out between the two of you.

It also sounds like he is trying to keep his options open with his friend in case she does turn into something more than a friend. This thought was due to his remark of her being a "back up." If you are in a relationship you want to work, you shouldn't have a "back up."

11-22-2005, 07:30 PM	#24 (permalink)
Eowyn_Vala Insane Location: There's no place like home..	I have been in a similar situation. The difference was that the friend and I used to be friends as well. In my situation I was uncomfortable and jealous (I still am a bit) due to the fact my husband was still friends with her. Most of that stemmed from how she treated me and how things ended there. The other part of that is due to the fact that she always used my husband (boyfriend at the time we were all in college) as her fall-back when she need male attention. She was never content to have only one guys attention and it always seemed to me like she wanted more than just friendship with my husband. This makes me uncomfortable when I know she is going to be around him. I trust him and know nothing would ever happen. Because of this I deal with the feelings of jealousy towards her. I won't ask him to not be friends with her just to appease me. It's crossed my mind a few times especially right before we got married. My husband has also listened to me and we have discussed both of our feelings on the issue. We were able to compromise. Like little_tippler said, relationships are all about compromise. I hope you finally come to a decision. To me is seems like you need to decide if his friendship with "Beth" is something you might eventually come to deal with or not. If you won't ever be able to deal with this friendship, and if he can't compromise either to try to make you a bit more comfortable, then maybe you should move on to someone who can be with you. I'm not saying he has to give up his friendship but I do think he should be making more of an effort to work things out between the two of you. It also sounds like he is trying to keep his options open with his friend in case she does turn into something more than a friend. This thought was due to his remark of her being a "back up." If you are in a relationship you want to work, you shouldn't have a "back up." __________________ Cain: I know what you're doing. I've lead troops into battle before. DG: And, how am I doing? Cain: Well, there's less hugging when I do it Last edited by Eowyn_Vala; 11-22-2005 at 07:33 PM..