Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

innovis · 11-21-2005, 12:45 AM

So its been almost half a year since the end of basically my first relationship, and I still have strong feelings for her. They are slowly diminishing, but that is halted by the fact that I really don't know any girls who I'd like to date, and I'm not really meeting that many new girls to date. I've gone on dates with like 5 girls, and I've met a few others, all of whom are now my friends, some better than others.

So basically I feel like this girl who I really loved, probably one of the first girls I valued just as much as a "hang out"/"chat" friend as I did a "common interest type" friend, is drifting away. I never really got closure at the end of this relationship; she just said "its over", I just want to be alone and we didn't talk for 2 months, and when we did talk it wasn't on good terms, she didn't want to be friends with me or interact with me at all, despite the fact that I hadn't wronged her in any way at the end, it was just a mutual *I give up*. I still really don't have a *reason* why it ended; we had problems, but they could have been worked on (she didn't even attempt to though). She hasn't talked to me on the phone since the day we broke up, despite me having called her several times (for my stuff, and a few other things). We've talked on AIM, attempting to arrange a meeting, but she never follows through.

This makes me feel like while she still has strong feelings for me, she just wants to move on because she believes we're incompatible, and interacting me, or seeing me would cause her emotions to stir and she doesn't want that.

I've basically accepted that even if I do get the chance to interact with her, none of the ways in which I've changed positively (losing 50 pounds in 6 months, being more social, independent, attempting to be more studious, and understanding how special a committed relationship is to me [and how much less important sex is than the relationship]) will effect her decision, and she will not come back.

So I feel like ok, shes gone. And there is... No one! I hear that I should join clubs that interest me, go out and meet new people, etc etc etc. I've tried to take every opportunity I could this semester to meet new people, but I'm still pretty much stuck with my same circle of friends, + 2. My friends are also the type that don't really lead you into new people, they're more of the ones that follow others into new people, so no help meeting more people, or someone I could be potentially interested in there.

Tried Craigslist, looked all over myspace... I found a few girls that were halfway to what I want, but then they'd be like 5 years older than me, or we didn't really enjoy the same stuff except for one interest... friend material! Its not that I'm looking for someone smoking hot or something. I just want an average chick who enjoys adult swim, Japanese stuff, video games, and other nerdy stuff, but can still act like a normal human being in addition to being a nerd. Are they so rare? Or rather, are the single ones so rare? I'm not looking for someone to *be* my ex or replace her, I'm looking for exactly what I was looking for when I found her, someone who can happily spend time with me doing what I like to do, and who understands me.

Any ideas how I can find this person or enlarge my circle of friends, or deal with my feelings for the ex?

11-21-2005, 12:45 AM	#1 (permalink)
innovis Crazy	Getting over the Ex So its been almost half a year since the end of basically my first relationship, and I still have strong feelings for her. They are slowly diminishing, but that is halted by the fact that I really don't know any girls who I'd like to date, and I'm not really meeting that many new girls to date. I've gone on dates with like 5 girls, and I've met a few others, all of whom are now my friends, some better than others. So basically I feel like this girl who I really loved, probably one of the first girls I valued just as much as a "hang out"/"chat" friend as I did a "common interest type" friend, is drifting away. I never really got closure at the end of this relationship; she just said "its over", I just want to be alone and we didn't talk for 2 months, and when we did talk it wasn't on good terms, she didn't want to be friends with me or interact with me at all, despite the fact that I hadn't wronged her in any way at the end, it was just a mutual I give up. I still really don't have a reason why it ended; we had problems, but they could have been worked on (she didn't even attempt to though). She hasn't talked to me on the phone since the day we broke up, despite me having called her several times (for my stuff, and a few other things). We've talked on AIM, attempting to arrange a meeting, but she never follows through. This makes me feel like while she still has strong feelings for me, she just wants to move on because she believes we're incompatible, and interacting me, or seeing me would cause her emotions to stir and she doesn't want that. I've basically accepted that even if I do get the chance to interact with her, none of the ways in which I've changed positively (losing 50 pounds in 6 months, being more social, independent, attempting to be more studious, and understanding how special a committed relationship is to me [and how much less important sex is than the relationship]) will effect her decision, and she will not come back. So I feel like ok, shes gone. And there is... No one! I hear that I should join clubs that interest me, go out and meet new people, etc etc etc. I've tried to take every opportunity I could this semester to meet new people, but I'm still pretty much stuck with my same circle of friends, + 2. My friends are also the type that don't really lead you into new people, they're more of the ones that follow others into new people, so no help meeting more people, or someone I could be potentially interested in there. Tried Craigslist, looked all over myspace... I found a few girls that were halfway to what I want, but then they'd be like 5 years older than me, or we didn't really enjoy the same stuff except for one interest... friend material! Its not that I'm looking for someone smoking hot or something. I just want an average chick who enjoys adult swim, Japanese stuff, video games, and other nerdy stuff, but can still act like a normal human being in addition to being a nerd. Are they so rare? Or rather, are the single ones so rare? I'm not looking for someone to be my ex or replace her, I'm looking for exactly what I was looking for when I found her, someone who can happily spend time with me doing what I like to do, and who understands me. Any ideas how I can find this person or enlarge my circle of friends, or deal with my feelings for the ex?