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damn, I really missed something there...so this is actually the same couple as in that other thread....ops. I think it's the names that got me!
I just want to say, that I understand both points of view. Your BF doesn't want to compromise in relation to a friend, a good friend, and that's understandable. And on the other hand it's not fair to you either as you sense there is more than "just friends" feelings. Is it fair to suspect him if he hasn't done anything? No. Is it fair to feel uneasy about the situation anyway? Yes, of course, you're only human. You already compromise in the sense that you refrain from being upset at the situation and try to ignore his friend that is upsetting you. But quite clearly, you can't just ignore it, and that's fair also. You are the way you are. Everyone can tell you what you should feel and that you should just get on with things and he can have his female friends and it's not your business. But only you know how it affects you and whether you can deal with it alone or whether you need to tell your BF and ask him to understand. Your BF replied in the other thread saying he didn't think he should have to compromise.
But you know what? Relationships are all about compromise and doing the best thing for the relationship - not just yourself. He has given you no reason to distrust him, but it still upsets you. Like girls say sometimes, "I trust you, I just don't trust HER". Not saying, either, that his friend is trying to do anything. But it's at the back of your mind.
If something upsets you, either you can try to make it go away yourself, or if it bothers you so much that you can't, you need him to help you. If something upsets you, he can either ignore that and continue as always, which to me seems selfish. Ok, it doesn't bother him, but it bothers you right? So... he could compromise a little. The sticky question is how.
This is a sticky situation. Your BF says that his friend is almost his only good friend he talks to regularly at the moment - besides yourself. I don't know what you could do that would make you both happy. I do think though that it's a great sign that you're both so concerned about the issue that you will talk to each other, write here and expose your innermost feelings, and really think hard about how you can help each other. I'm sure you can find a way to sort this out if you're this committed.
By the way, I don't think either of you are wrong/bad in this situation. But there is a conflict in your separate opinions, and it's not just going to go away. One or both of you has to give way somehow. I hope you find the best way to stay together.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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