cheerycheeks

Hey Ladies,

Here's my problem and hopefully you can help:

My boyfriend and I have recently broken up, but are trying to give it another try. There are a lot of things about each other that we really like, but both have some insecurities of our own that pull us apart. He tells me I am his best friend. I know he feels more comfortable with me than anyone else. I know he can talk to me about more than with anyone else. I know he considers me his best friend, but I still have a problem.

My issue is that I am jealous of his relationship with his "best friend"(same title, i know), Beth. They have been friends for 6 years beginning in high school and have wanted to date several times, but it has never worked out for them to date because of other circumstances (location, dating other people, whatever). I know way too much about this girl. I know all of the feelings he's had for her, how much he wanted to date her, and how much he really liked(s) her. She is his “what-if” girl.

He had not seen her in 2 years because he was too far away, but saw her two weekends ago since he lives closer to her now. His parents live in the same town she does now and so when he goes to see his parents, he goes to see her too. He tells me there is nothing going on and I know he is telling me the truth, at least phsyically, I know there is nothing going on between them. When he was staying at her apartment she said he could sleep in the bed with him but "no touching" so just as friends. My boyfriend didn't accept the offer, but she just seems more than friendly to me and it's really hard for me to handle. They went clubbing while he was visiting her and were freak dancing and getting drunk, which would be okay if she really was nothing more than a typical friend, but the thought of him pressing and rubbing against his "just my friend but I've always liked her and wonder about her" is just too much for me. He said they were not dancing really sexually, that he wouldn’t be comfortable dancing like that with someone other than me, so I guess that’s a comfort.

I have written Beth via email in an attempt to be friends with her saying that instead of me making her and my bf's relationship complicated, i would like to appreciate her and see her for who she is and be friendly with each other, even if it’s just something small. That I would like to get to know her because she is very important in my bf's life and I would like to get to know her. Beth took a week to respond with, "i'll get back to you later" saying she was really busy with work (she has time to talk to my bf online for hours, but can’t take 10 minutes to email me?- my bf says that she didn't know how to repond...i cant imagine it being that hard), and it has been over a month and i haven't heard anything else from her. My bf swears that she is such a nice person, but i can't help but feel like something is going on here, at least from her side.

My bf says that he wonders about her, but as we get happier together, he wonders about her less. My bf and i are going to his parent’s house this weekend and i'm thankful he hasn't made plans to see her. I had wanted to meet her a while ago, but have lost the passion to since she can't be bothered to respond to my letter. What else can i do to help myself believe him? what should i do about her not responding to my email? i feel like i opened my arms to her and she turned and walked away. If there is anyway i could be friends with her, i would like to be, but i can't be friends with someone like that. My bf knows my best friends, but i dont know her. If she's so important to him and i'm important too, why shouldn't her and I be friends? It's like she's hiding from me, maybe he's letting her hide from me, and I dont know what to think about it.

My bf and Beth talk for hours a day online and on the phone. She drunk dials him (even though i've been told this means nothing), but it just seems not just friendly. We have communicated and argued and we both know each other's side to all of this: I want him to back down a little in his friendship with her, but he feels like he shouldn’t have to. He swears his relationship with her is innocent. He says that he doesn't want to change his relationship with Beth and that if i can't handle it, we should break up, but i feel like he needs to do a little for me too. He swears they are doing nothing wrong, so I think, is it me? Am i just completely overreacting and not being supportive enough? Do i need to just accept it?

When my bf and i were broken up, I told him to go date her, to go figure it out with her, to go see if that's what he wants, but he didn't because he wanted me back. So, this maybe should show me that he does want me more, but she had just broken up with her serious bf and i'm not sure he was confident enough to go try with her because he didn't know what her reaction would be and didn't want to be rejected by her. I also know he was heartbroken about me and i'm sure he wasn't ready to go jump into something serious. I’m not really sure about that, just some thoughts. Well actually, I’m not sure about any of this. Hopefully you all can help me get it figured out!

Your thoughts would be appreciated!
Cheery