analog

Everyone who loses someone close to them wants the death to have meant something, had some purpose, or have been "for" some specific reason. Many who lose loved ones to the armed services, or perhaps fire/rescue are, after initial grieving, proud that their death meant something, they gave their life for a purpose. When a death occurs with less than clear-cut meaning, like an isolated accident, we are reminded that death comes at any time, to anyone, and not too many people find that comforting while grieving a loved one or friend.

Parents, specifically, have that extra "I do not want to survive my children" thing, and lovers have the "I can't live without him/her" thing. When the realities of the world come knocking, pretty much no one wants to be the one to answer the door. Unfortunately, things happen. People have always died, and will always die, and we can never know when, or how, until it is upon us (except for suicides and terminal illness, of course).

For me, I take solace in the fact that each day we are alive is a day to say hello, goodbye, "I love you", "I miss you", etc., and as long as they know you care about them, nothing that happens to them will result in you feeling regret over a missed opportunity. That, and death will come when it does. You can believe in fate or not, you can believe in a "God", or not, and you can believe that "everything happens for a reason", or not... but everyone, everywhere, will die. No matter how much you worry, no matter how much you safeguard, everyone will pass in time.

The most important thing is how you live each day with those you love and care about, not "how" or "why" they eventually die. Yeah, it's going to hurt. Yeah, depending on the circumstance, you may be mad, vengeful, feeling guilty, etc.... but when it all comes down to it, if you showed them your love, your friendship, etc., you will have a much greater peace with it.