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roachboy · 11-09-2005, 06:24 AM

sailor: sorry that you are having a rough time of it---first, where in germany are you? i did a few years in paris--there seemed to me to be almost a rhythm of depression/homesickenss--once after the novelty of being ther at all wore off, another at about 3 months (which lined up with the onset of winter, which in paris is a long grey period--not seing the sun for it would seem like weeks at a time was a definite factor in that)....the second phase seemed longer and much more of a grind than the first, but it dissipated....if my experience is any guide, you should find it easier with some time....

the relationship is obviously a factor in all this--i am not sure what to say beyond wishing you the best with it. i found myself burning up calling cards talking with folk in the states during the worst phase of this process..(btw use calling cards at public phones--dont be tricked by the convenience of your residental phone because the bill will arrive after a couple months and be a Real Blow)

as for meeting folk: are you there on a fellowship (a daad or fulbright or some such)--if you are, then it usually is the case that the fellowship sponsor will hold some events for awardees that can operate as the basis for meeting others in your position--which forms the base for possible alliances/support/maybe firendships even.
maybe check some of them out.
i found this to be helpful at a couple of points, particularly during the first year, during which i was going through what i guess would be an accelerated and often difficult learning process with french. i dont know where your german is, but if it is like mine was at that point, i found that complex social interactions in french were tough. i used to feel like i had to have a few drinks before i could really speak--the problem was, in the end, massive self-consciousness about my spoken french. this meant that i was often in bars or cafes when i was feeling most outgoing in french--it also meant that mosto f the folk i met initially were pretty much as you woudl expect anywhere, if you are hoping to make freidns from amongst barpeople--high fuckup ratio, etc..

in paris it is pretty easy to find folk who want to exchange french for english conversation--you would meet up and talk for a while first in one language then in the other--that can be a structured way to get to know someone.
but this kind of thing might be easier to find in a bigger city than in a small one or town.

as for meeting folk from the place you are in--i dont know what kind of place you find yourself in--my experience was that it kinda took a while, but i dont knwo why it was the case exactly--eventually, i stumbled onto folk who in turn introduced me to their network of people and it went from there--ut the meeting seemed kinda like a chance thing, so i dont really have any advice on how to go about it beyond trying to remain available and patient.

i seem to remember that you enjuoy cycling: are you doing it there? if not, you should...it'll help your head. the might also be cycling clubs that you could at least check out, and these too might be a good way to meet folk who have an interest or more in common with you.

the reason i ask where you are is that i have alot of comrades/colleagues who have spent varying amounts of time in germany whom i could ask for resources/suggestions, depending on where you are. also, are you doing an undergrad year or a grad research thing?

good luck...hope this gets easier for you.

11-09-2005, 06:24 AM	#5 (permalink)
roachboy Super Moderator Location: essex ma	sailor: sorry that you are having a rough time of it---first, where in germany are you? i did a few years in paris--there seemed to me to be almost a rhythm of depression/homesickenss--once after the novelty of being ther at all wore off, another at about 3 months (which lined up with the onset of winter, which in paris is a long grey period--not seing the sun for it would seem like weeks at a time was a definite factor in that)....the second phase seemed longer and much more of a grind than the first, but it dissipated....if my experience is any guide, you should find it easier with some time.... the relationship is obviously a factor in all this--i am not sure what to say beyond wishing you the best with it. i found myself burning up calling cards talking with folk in the states during the worst phase of this process..(btw use calling cards at public phones--dont be tricked by the convenience of your residental phone because the bill will arrive after a couple months and be a Real Blow) as for meeting folk: are you there on a fellowship (a daad or fulbright or some such)--if you are, then it usually is the case that the fellowship sponsor will hold some events for awardees that can operate as the basis for meeting others in your position--which forms the base for possible alliances/support/maybe firendships even. maybe check some of them out. i found this to be helpful at a couple of points, particularly during the first year, during which i was going through what i guess would be an accelerated and often difficult learning process with french. i dont know where your german is, but if it is like mine was at that point, i found that complex social interactions in french were tough. i used to feel like i had to have a few drinks before i could really speak--the problem was, in the end, massive self-consciousness about my spoken french. this meant that i was often in bars or cafes when i was feeling most outgoing in french--it also meant that mosto f the folk i met initially were pretty much as you woudl expect anywhere, if you are hoping to make freidns from amongst barpeople--high fuckup ratio, etc.. in paris it is pretty easy to find folk who want to exchange french for english conversation--you would meet up and talk for a while first in one language then in the other--that can be a structured way to get to know someone. but this kind of thing might be easier to find in a bigger city than in a small one or town. as for meeting folk from the place you are in--i dont know what kind of place you find yourself in--my experience was that it kinda took a while, but i dont knwo why it was the case exactly--eventually, i stumbled onto folk who in turn introduced me to their network of people and it went from there--ut the meeting seemed kinda like a chance thing, so i dont really have any advice on how to go about it beyond trying to remain available and patient. i seem to remember that you enjuoy cycling: are you doing it there? if not, you should...it'll help your head. the might also be cycling clubs that you could at least check out, and these too might be a good way to meet folk who have an interest or more in common with you. the reason i ask where you are is that i have alot of comrades/colleagues who have spent varying amounts of time in germany whom i could ask for resources/suggestions, depending on where you are. also, are you doing an undergrad year or a grad research thing? good luck...hope this gets easier for you. __________________ a gramophone its corrugated trumpet silver handle spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear it make you sick. -kamau brathwaite Last edited by roachboy; 11-09-2005 at 06:29 AM..