sailor

So here’s the story…

I’m studying abroad in Germany for this year. I got here September 1st, and am planning on staying until the middle of next August. The reasons for my wanting to come, and deciding to stay for a year, are severalfold. First, travel. I’ve always wanted to spend some serious time in Europe. I’m a big fan of history, and there’s tons of that around. And, I mean, it's Europe. For the longest time, I'd been dying to travel through Europe. I got a quick taste of it last Spring, when I spent 10 days traveling, going to London, Rome, and Florence. Second, the language. I've always wanted to learn another language, and my German has improved rapidly since being here.

But now I'm here, and not enjoying it as much as I thought I would be. Living in Europe and traveling here are two totally different things I've discovered, and the rose-colored glasses have totally come off. That's not to say I'm not enjoying myself—quite the contrary. It's great being in a different culture, learning a new language, and being able to go to a different cool European city every weekend. The big problems for me right now are that I'm missing things from home, which is somewhat expected, though I never expected it to be this bad. I'm not the type who normally gets too homesick, but it's hit me hard here. I'd finally found my place in a great group of friends back in the States, and now I've left them, and gone somewhere 3000 miles away from everyone I know and love. Add to this that I am naturally introverted and generally don't quickly meet people, and I've been pretty lonely for the last couple of months. I've met a good number of people through class and such, but so far, none of them seem like people I'd enjoy getting to be anything more than acquaintances with—stereotypical dumb bimbo girls, a couple of guys that are so crude it makes you cringe to be around them, some guys that want to do nothing more than get blackout drunk at every opportunity, etc. So I'm definitely missing the group of friends I had back home.

And now the latest thing is that travel seems to have lost a good bit of its luster. I find myself going places and thinking “Meh, another european city.” I think part of this might just be me feeling generally down, but for example, I was in Paris a few weeks ago, somewhere I would have thought I'd have loved, and I was generally just ambivalent to the whole situation.

So I don't know what I should do. If it continues to go downhill, I could head back home after this semester, though I really don't want to do this. It would be nice to go back to my friends and family, but I had been planning this trip for years to come here and learn German and see some of Europe. I feel like I'd be missing out, especially on the learning the language (as language classes don't seem to do anything for me, I need the real thing). I think that the first thing I need to do is get out of my room and do something—I feel like I spend way too much time cooped up in here. But I don't have much else to do; there isn't anyone else around I really want to hang out with, and I've seen most of this town and don't feel like hanging out on my own in it much more.

As an addendum, I have a girlfriend back in the States. We've been having some rough times with the distance, and last week had a really bad time with it. I think this may be playing a pretty big role in my feelings. I love her though, and don't think I'm willing to drop her for the distance.

Any thoughts are appreciated. I'd really like to stick this through, but if I just continue to be miserable, I may just have to cut my losses. Encouragement, ideas, whatever, are all greatly appreciated. I'm studying abroad, travelling, seeing the world, and learning a new language--I should be having the time of my life, but I'm not.

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"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
--Plato