Camstyn

Warning, this may be long winded..

There's a girl (J) I've known for about 5 years or so, friend of a friend. I first met her while she was briefly dating one of my friends (A).
When I first met her I felt there was a bit of sexual tension between us, she liked to flirt and tease me but I never made any moves as at first she was dating my buddy, and after that, well, partially out of respect for him and partially because she went on to date someone else almost immediately after they ceased.

So she's been 'one of the boys' since then in my small circle of close friends. I've always had a bit of a thing for her but as we became closer friends, her flirting stopped and that was that. We've been pretty close for a while now. She's had several boyfriends in the mean time.

After she broke up with one of her boyfriends, a couple of years ago, we slept together. Nothing romantic or sexual, although I would have liked that. It was out of convenience, and we shared a bed one night. I made a couple small advances to test the water and was met with cool response so nothing happened.

This never really changed anything in our relationship, although I thought it might be worth mentioning.. Because she knows that I wanted there to be something more, but was content with the way things were. I wasn't sure of what kind of message she was sending by sleeping with me, and still don't get it. But I digress..

Fast forward until a few months ago. She was having personal problems so I invited her to come with me on a boating poker run, which included a big fancy dinner, awards ceremony afterwards. She wanted to come so I bought her a ticket. On the weekend that this was on, a friend who used to hang out with us and had since moved an hour away, was back in town to visit. They visited on Friday night, and Saturday she came with me on the boat.

Everyone was having a good time, but on the way back on the boat, she acted as though I had not informed her of the dinner banquet, and this was a problem because this other friend was returning home later this day. Now I could have sworn I told her about all of this. I played it cool and offered to her that I could have sworn I told her about this, and if I hadn't it was becaues I assumed she knew, since my other friends and I had talked a lot about this day while in her company.

So anywho.. I told her that she can do whatever she pleases, she's welcome to come to the banquet but of course she's not my prisoner and she is free to do as she likes. At this point she turned it into a fight, told me that I was calling her a liar, and she wasn't coming now because I'm being an asshole. This baffled me as I can swear to you, I was being completely nice about it and hiding my frustration deep down inside. Now this really irked me, and I basically said, "I can't believe you would ditch me like this. We had plans. You knew about them. This is complete bullshit, I don't deserve this." etc. etc. She called me some names, so I told her she was a bitch, and blah blah blah, big fight. It blew up big time. The day was shot and so was our relationship at this point, I couldn't believe she would act this way. I dropped her off at her car and told her to have a nice life, and good luck finding some other chump that she can ditch.

I was fuming mad after this.. I couldn't believe how selfish and self-serving she was.. It made sense with a lot of things she had done to other people up to this point but I thought she had more respect for me than to do this. It all started to add up and boil and I began to realize how wrong I was about her. I was very upset about this to the point of tears, as I thought she was a good friend and this is how I get treated for trying to do her a favor, trying to bring her out of her emotional funk.

Later that night I hung out with A, who has long been one of my best friends and also has been hers, after the two of them didn't work out romantically. I needed someone to talk to.. He told me that he was talking to her a couple of days earlier and she had mentioned to him that she was not sure if she wanted to go anymore.. He had told her that I paid a lot of money for her ticket, and that there was a big banquet and everything. So now I confirmed that she knew all along and the BS on the boat was just that, BS. I was happy to hear that it was confirmed I was not incorrect in this fact, but it made my blood boil even more about her.. Why would she lie about it, why did she turn it into a fight rather than just excuse herself from the banquet, etc.

So I was angry and upset for a few days. At one point, after thinking about it too much, I decided to send her a text message, telling her to have a nice life, I didn't want to be a part of it for any longer, that I'd miss the friendship that I once thought we had and I was a changed person from this.

Now this is no bull, this whole scene made a real mess out of my life for a while, emotionally. I learned a lot from this experience and I'd have to say I'm changed from it.. A little wiser but a lot more jaded.

So I don't talk to her for about three months. I'm not upset about what happened anymore, I figure it was a good lesson learned and now I know the real her. I'm no longer upset, just angry. Now Al starts trying to get us to be friends again, by inviting both me and her out with him to go for coffee, etc. It was like I told him, I don't care if she is there, I'm not going to be immature and hide from her, but I have nothing to say to her. That's how it's been.. I've seen her a few times now and basically give her the cold shoulder but not to the point of completely ignoring her. She's not one of my friends anymore as far as I'm concerned, so I treat her like an associate that I have ill feelings towards, which is the way it is for me.

Now on the weekend, A wanted to go for dinner and then go over to our buddy S's house to watch the hockey game. J came with him. This was fine, I just wanted to get out of the house and do something social. So we do this, and she's sitting between us on the couch watching the hockey game after dinner, and whenever she'd get up and sit back down close to me she'd try to joke about "oops, sorry, that's way too close" etc. No big deal just being sarcastic and making light of the tension between us.

So after the hockey game we come over to my place, and drink beer in my shop with a couple of other friends, BSing. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, except that I felt some sexual tension between us again like there was when we first met.. She was flirting and teasing a bit, and made reference of sleeping with me again, seemingly only half joking.

Now this seems foolish, but I think that perhaps by me shutting her out after what she did, she may have gained some respect for me. That seemed to be a big part of her problem, not having the respect she should for her close friends and thinking she could walk all over them. My buddy A is partly to blame for this because he lets her walk all over him, she's got him completely pussy whipped and he acts like a fool in love, while they simply share a friends only relationship. I think he's still in love with her although has 'settled' for what he's getting.

Now to get to the point.. The recent sexual tension. If all our mutual friends weren't there I think something could have happened between us the other night. Let me just set it straight, I don't have any desire to have a friends only relationship with her again. Not with the way she treats most of her friends. On the other hand she seems to treat her boyfriends on a whole other level.

What should I do? I see my options as:

a) keep her shut out of my life

b) try to get in her pants



As I said I'm not interested in calling her up just to go hang out. I'm still angry with her. There's a lot of repair that needs to be done before I would be her friend again. I think if option B were successful it might do a lot to resolve my problem with her, since it would be new territory between us and it would kind of change everything.

option A seems like the smart thing to do..

Now I don't understand how women's brains work. Were her most recent actions an invitation for me to consider option B? Or is she just playing games and should I forget about it? Or is it another ploy to manipulate me?

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