Quote:
|
Originally Posted by analog
I'm curious if there's an update to this scenario. 
For my two cents, I always want to favor the route that chooses love. Yeah, she made out with a guy. I'd be upset too. Probably very upset. But, the fact that she was pretty much an emotional train wreck because of it, and came to you the very next day, AND wasn't even able to go to class because she was so screwed up over it, is really a very telling sign that it's not likely to ever happen again, and she's truly sorry for it to begin with. For me, this would be enough for me to be ok. What I would do if I found out she asked a friend to look out for her, to the point of begging not to let her go anywhere, would really just result in my saying, "then don't drink."
I mean really... this entire series of issues stems from her having an issue with inhibitions + drinking... which lots of people have. But, that should mean the drinking should stop. Tell her if she's going to be that way while you're gone, then skip the drinking for 9 months until you return to her. |
Yeah. I've forgiven her for it; like you said, it was clear to me that she was devastated over it, possibly more than I was, and that was good enough for me to realize that she was truly sorry and that it wasn't going to happen again.
And I've realized that the problem does seem to stem from drinking. I've always known she got even hornier when drinking, and had noticed before that she does really lose all inhibitions and become more prey to what others want her to do. Prime example, three or four weeks ago, she was out, had a few drinks, and started smoking with some people because they wanted her to--and she
never smokes. She didn't get an urge to smoke or anything, it was just that she was drunk and some people handed her a cigarette and told her to smoke it. And from the story I get from her about what happened here, it seems like she was quite drunk, and he started to come on to her, and she kinda went with the flow. So yeah, the problems stem from drinking a good bit.
She suggested (right before I did, actually) that she not drink anymore. I strongly agreed to it, especially seeing as, in addition to these two examples, she's had lots of other bad things happen to her while drinking. When we first started dating, I suggested she cut back her drinking, which, along with the fact that I don't drink to drunkeness very often, was an easy thing to do. It seems like cutting back wasn't enough though, and she won't be drinking anything more than a beer or glass of wine with dinner in her apartment anymore.
I'm still not 100% sure that we're going to continue on as a couple at this point. This isn't stemming out of what happened, I've forgiven her for that, but rather wondering if it's indicative of larger problems we're having. Like I said, it was a rough couple of weeks before this, and if this is just a really big sign that the long-distance thing isn't working for us, then now may be a good time to end it. I still haven't figured it out, though I think I'm going to stick it out for the moment, have a long talk with her about things that might be wrong, and we'll do our best to try to fix them. I don't want to give up on the relationship, but if it seems like nothing's working, I don't want to go down with the ship, either.
Thanks for the comments, guys. Feel free to keep them coming.