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Dragonknight · 10-28-2005, 11:44 PM

Man, this sounds familiar. My last relationship has a very large amount of similarities with this one. My girl at the time had a sexual relationship with an older man, and withdrew from any problem as well. Only in my case this happened any time we were angry, or when had a conversation that concerned us in depth (if more details are needed please let me know).

You see she was pulling away from any intense emotion she was experiencing. It was in part because of her fear of saying/doing something wrong to hurt the relationship, and in part because she was afraid to trust her feelings concerning the subject. No matter how I approached the subject she would pull away, because she knew it was concerning a subject that hurt/bothered me and one that hurt/bothered her.

We split up and stopped talking for about two years. She finally went to counseling and realized what she was doing, and now we both regret the decisions we made in the past. I say regret because I'm now married to a woman that I truly love and cherish, but I know that I will always love my ex as well.

Finally, my advice to you would be to get her into some kind of counseling. I approached our problem from every conceivable angle. I tried the patient thing. I'd tell her how much she meant to me, I'd tell her when I felt a "pulling away" moment coming and that we could get through it together. Hell I even tried to get angry with her and force her to talk to me ( not physically) , but with words and emotions. Nothing worked because you see her feelings toward me and about the situation were the very problem. I don't think this is something that just you and her can get through, I feel that you will need a third person i.e. a counselors help.

For your sake I hope that I'm wrong, and everything gets worked out. Hell I hope that at least one of the other's suggestions help, but if not then you have my advice. I've been in this situation before and know how it feels, just try and be patient. Also (I believe someone else mentioned this) remember that this is not an attack on your feelings or you, this is her own hang up she has to work through with your help.

Good luck with this.

10-28-2005, 11:44 PM	#13 (permalink)
Dragonknight Insane Location: Hawaii	Man, this sounds familiar. My last relationship has a very large amount of similarities with this one. My girl at the time had a sexual relationship with an older man, and withdrew from any problem as well. Only in my case this happened any time we were angry, or when had a conversation that concerned us in depth (if more details are needed please let me know). You see she was pulling away from any intense emotion she was experiencing. It was in part because of her fear of saying/doing something wrong to hurt the relationship, and in part because she was afraid to trust her feelings concerning the subject. No matter how I approached the subject she would pull away, because she knew it was concerning a subject that hurt/bothered me and one that hurt/bothered her. We split up and stopped talking for about two years. She finally went to counseling and realized what she was doing, and now we both regret the decisions we made in the past. I say regret because I'm now married to a woman that I truly love and cherish, but I know that I will always love my ex as well. Finally, my advice to you would be to get her into some kind of counseling. I approached our problem from every conceivable angle. I tried the patient thing. I'd tell her how much she meant to me, I'd tell her when I felt a "pulling away" moment coming and that we could get through it together. Hell I even tried to get angry with her and force her to talk to me ( not physically) , but with words and emotions. Nothing worked because you see her feelings toward me and about the situation were the very problem. I don't think this is something that just you and her can get through, I feel that you will need a third person i.e. a counselors help. For your sake I hope that I'm wrong, and everything gets worked out. Hell I hope that at least one of the other's suggestions help, but if not then you have my advice. I've been in this situation before and know how it feels, just try and be patient. Also (I believe someone else mentioned this) remember that this is not an attack on your feelings or you, this is her own hang up she has to work through with your help. Good luck with this.