|
sportswidow05,
All big problems are built on little ones. They grow. If you try to confront anyone with the full spectrum of what you are feeling they will get confused, frusturated and start putting up defences. It's like trying to have a conversation about algebra with some one who hasn't grasped basic math.
What seem to happen way too often is that people start a conversation with the intention of taking-it-easy and going slow but the minute one's partner starts responding the other sees this as an sign to open up further and the emotional floodgates colapse. At this point the listener gets overwhelmed and begins throwing up barriers to try to get their bearings. The talker gets frusturated by this and starts thinking that their partner doesnt care.
Have you ever writen a deep letter to someone only to read it the next day/week/months to find yourself dissagreeing with some of your own conclusions? Imagine how the person must feel. Emotions are a very difficult subject even for the person feeling them. Ever heard of the idea that we all look at the same sky yet see our own shade of blue? So you can't just say "this is how I feel, now understand me".
What I am getting at is to take baby steps and try to focus on the basics first. Allow each other to build a common foundation of ideas before going in deep. Most importantly do not expect quick results in the form of an epiphany from either of you. There is no magic word of phrase that will make it all clear for either of you.
Finally, anger is your enemy. People will NEVER listen to you if you confront them. They may concede which will give you a false sence of progress. They may even become afraid which may give you a false sence of success but they will never actually listen and understand you.
|