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Mantus · 10-24-2005, 08:15 PM

(I don't know whether to put this in sexuality, life or philosophy, there is a little of everything).

In order for some one to understand you they must be on your level. All ideas and values are interconected. If you become out of touch with someone you will not fully understand any specific feelings the may wish to express. In order to understand someone, one must be familiar with their state of mind. The only way this can happen is to understand not just the specific topic at hand but everything else about your partner.

How do couples become distant?

When two people first meet they hungrily absorb everything there is to know about each other. They share their, feelings, dreams and get to know each other emotionally. This causes a strong bond to develop and leads to love. After a while we believe that there is nothing else to know. This is kindof true because further exploration of one's partner gives diminishing results. The problem is that people are constantly evolving emotionally. Though the experience of life, our responces, ideals and dreams change. As this happens our partner may fall behind because they don't go though the trouble of updating their knowledge and we often don't go though the trouble of expressing our new selves. On top of this, people have a tendancy to superimpose their own personalities on other people's actions. So we view their actions though our mind's eye. Most of the time it works out, sometimes it creates serious misunderstandings. With time passing more and more knowledge of one's partner gets replaces by superimposed concepts because no attempts are made to refresh it. The mind fills in the blanks with whatever it likes.

The only solution is renewed communication. Yet people won't change thier minds overnight. They should not expect to sit down for a big talk where they explain your case and have and come out in complete agreement, it's impossible. More often then not attempts at communication may result in degrading the situation further because the couple gets frusturated with lack of pogress. Which results in a fight, which makes things worse on every level. Then fear of a hostile responce forces the couple further into silence.

So communication - whether it's about sex, kids, love, dreams or anything else - has to happen on all levels. At this point the only option is to catch up on everything the couple missed over the years. More difficult is the tearing down of any superimposed ideas they may have about each other. Playing the blame game won't net any results. Communication is a two way street, if some one is not listening chances are they don't understand, which means one has to go back even further to explain a point. All this takes a huge amount of patience and the longer a period of silence lasted the harder it is to get back on the same page.

So what do you think people? Comments? Agree/disagree?

10-24-2005, 08:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
Mantus lascivious	Random musings on communication (I don't know whether to put this in sexuality, life or philosophy, there is a little of everything). In order for some one to understand you they must be on your level. All ideas and values are interconected. If you become out of touch with someone you will not fully understand any specific feelings the may wish to express. In order to understand someone, one must be familiar with their state of mind. The only way this can happen is to understand not just the specific topic at hand but everything else about your partner. How do couples become distant? When two people first meet they hungrily absorb everything there is to know about each other. They share their, feelings, dreams and get to know each other emotionally. This causes a strong bond to develop and leads to love. After a while we believe that there is nothing else to know. This is kindof true because further exploration of one's partner gives diminishing results. The problem is that people are constantly evolving emotionally. Though the experience of life, our responces, ideals and dreams change. As this happens our partner may fall behind because they don't go though the trouble of updating their knowledge and we often don't go though the trouble of expressing our new selves. On top of this, people have a tendancy to superimpose their own personalities on other people's actions. So we view their actions though our mind's eye. Most of the time it works out, sometimes it creates serious misunderstandings. With time passing more and more knowledge of one's partner gets replaces by superimposed concepts because no attempts are made to refresh it. The mind fills in the blanks with whatever it likes. The only solution is renewed communication. Yet people won't change thier minds overnight. They should not expect to sit down for a big talk where they explain your case and have and come out in complete agreement, it's impossible. More often then not attempts at communication may result in degrading the situation further because the couple gets frusturated with lack of pogress. Which results in a fight, which makes things worse on every level. Then fear of a hostile responce forces the couple further into silence. So communication - whether it's about sex, kids, love, dreams or anything else - has to happen on all levels. At this point the only option is to catch up on everything the couple missed over the years. More difficult is the tearing down of any superimposed ideas they may have about each other. Playing the blame game won't net any results. Communication is a two way street, if some one is not listening chances are they don't understand, which means one has to go back even further to explain a point. All this takes a huge amount of patience and the longer a period of silence lasted the harder it is to get back on the same page. So what do you think people? Comments? Agree/disagree?