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Schatz · 10-17-2005, 04:57 PM

I think she's freakin' out and I'll bet a little conversation could sort things out.

I think I've done what she's doing. For me, i freak out when the ambiguity that is inherent in startin' somethin' gets to be too much and then I freeze up - I start wondering what he's assuming and being scared of the possibilities, and then I start assuming stuff and then it's just a big ball of confusion.

SO - I wonder - because I've never tried this before - if just a little conversation would sort it out. It doesn't have to be a Big Talk. In fact, I think it shouldn't be a Big Talk - it's more a matter of bringing the topic up for conversation, having it open for discussion (in this case, the topic being "why are you so chummy on the phone but so distant in person") it seems like she's nervous about something, and if she could name it then you'll both feel more secure about whatever it is you're doing together.

It's REALLY SCARY to start these conversations, because it really opens you up to be let down - like, what if the answer is "I just wanna be friends" - eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! this is probably why I have never done it. NOnetheless, at this point I believe it must be a worthwhile thing to do, because the freak out kills everything before it can even start; so ya might as well start an uncomfortable conversation before letting it die by freak out. and in your case, you're getting frustrated, and that can kill it... so if you can only get the nerve to talk to her about it...

10-17-2005, 04:57 PM	#7 (permalink)
Schatz Upright	I think she's freakin' out and I'll bet a little conversation could sort things out. I think I've done what she's doing. For me, i freak out when the ambiguity that is inherent in startin' somethin' gets to be too much and then I freeze up - I start wondering what he's assuming and being scared of the possibilities, and then I start assuming stuff and then it's just a big ball of confusion. SO - I wonder - because I've never tried this before - if just a little conversation would sort it out. It doesn't have to be a Big Talk. In fact, I think it shouldn't be a Big Talk - it's more a matter of bringing the topic up for conversation, having it open for discussion (in this case, the topic being "why are you so chummy on the phone but so distant in person") it seems like she's nervous about something, and if she could name it then you'll both feel more secure about whatever it is you're doing together. It's REALLY SCARY to start these conversations, because it really opens you up to be let down - like, what if the answer is "I just wanna be friends" - eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! this is probably why I have never done it. NOnetheless, at this point I believe it must be a worthwhile thing to do, because the freak out kills everything before it can even start; so ya might as well start an uncomfortable conversation before letting it die by freak out. and in your case, you're getting frustrated, and that can kill it... so if you can only get the nerve to talk to her about it...